Hi Hive guys, nice to be back, today I decided to participate in the Bloggin Challenge 27) A difficult moment in your life.
¿Quien esta preparado para perder a un ser querido? Nadie lo esta, ni lo estara, realmente nadie esta preparado para perder a su madre. Este fue el momento mas dificil de mi vida, de hecho despues de 4 años lo sigue siendo. Mamá fallecio el 17/02/2017, es un tema un poco fuerte para mi, sin embargo, les contare que se puede vivir con tanta ausencia. El primer año es de luto y el peor, no asimilaba su partida y me costo muchisimo aceptarla, aun 4 años despues siento el mismo vacio que senti al abrazarla y no sentir sus manos acobijarme.
Who is prepared to lose a loved one? No one is, and no one ever will be, no one is really prepared to lose their mother. This was the hardest moment of my life, in fact after 4 years it still is. Mom passed away on 17/02/2017, it is a bit of a strong subject for me, however, I will tell you that it is possible to live with so much absence. The first year is of mourning and the worst, I did not assimilate her departure and it cost me a lot to accept it, even 4 years later I feel the same emptiness I felt when I hugged her and did not feel her hands cuddling me.
Ines Salazar, asi se llamaba mi madre, me decia compañera de vida, siempre juntas, siempre, tambien solia llamarme zarcillo porque jamas me separaba de ella. La unica vez que me separe y la ultima vez fue ese dia, que falta pff, momentos dificiles que no todos saben sobre llevar, algo importante es que una semana antes habia defendido tesis, veia felicidad en su rostro y en la de papá. Jamas imagine mi vida sin ella, nadie se imagina la vida sin su madre, hay muertes un poco facil de asimilar porque puede esperarse por una enfermedad, este no fue mi caso, ocurrio todo en una semana porque era tan fuerte que no sabiamos que estaba enferma, en una semana la infeccion orinaria colapso su sangre hasta llegar al cerebro, sufrio un shock septico desde el punto de partida urinario, al cual no pudo resistir. En el proceso de luto cai en depresión, mi novio decidio llevarme al psicologo, recuerdo que entre y solo hizo una pregunta ¿que te sientes? la verdad solo llore sin determe, por momentos me calme, me comento que tenia depresion leve, yo no sabia que podia sufrir de eso, hice todo al pie de la letra pero no quise tomar pastillas para dormir, sufria de insomnio desde ese momento, todavia me cuesta de dormir, pero desde ese momento no duermo igual.
Ines Salazar, that was my mother's name, she called me life partner, always together, always, she also used to call me "zarcillo" because I was never separated from her. The only time I was separated and the last time was that day, what a lack pff, difficult moments that not everyone knows how to deal with, something important is that a week before I had defended my thesis, I saw happiness in her face and in dad's. I never imagined my life without her. I never imagined my life without her, nobody imagines life without his mother, there are deaths a little easy to assimilate because it can be expected by an illness, this was not my case, it all happened in a week because she was so strong that we did not know she was sick, in a week the urinary infection collapsed her blood until it reached the brain, she suffered a septic shock from the urinary starting point, which she could not resist. In the process of mourning I fell into depression, my boyfriend decided to take me to the psychologist, I remember that I went in and he only asked me one question, what do you feel? the truth is that I just cried without stopping, for moments I calmed down, he told me that I had mild depression, I did not know that I could suffer from that, I did everything to the letter but I did not want to take sleeping pills, I suffered from insomnia since that moment, I still have trouble sleeping, but since that moment I do not sleep the same way.
Con el tiempo aprendi a vivir con su ausencia, el dolor es el mismo, pero poco a poco fui aceptando la voluntad de Dios, los 17 de cada mes antes o despues siento presion en el pecho, quizas es por guardarme tanto dolor, NO LO HAGAS JAMAS, yo aun tengo muchas lagrimas retenidas, pero es porque sufro de migraña y llorar me hace tener una crisis de migraña, decidi llevar de manera callada tanto dolor, a veces quiero escapar de la realidad, por momentos lo logro hacer, pero siempre se vuelve. Hace un mes tuve una conversacion con una prima y le explicaba lo que se sentia a veces a media noche, mucha angustia en mi pecho, lo siento muy apretado, y solo quiero llorar, me explico que debido al trauma que vivi de seguro, puedo tener Trastorno por estrés postraumático, y consigo ansiedad. No pense que todo eso podia causar daño en mi, asi que trato de seguir adelante, porque se que a mama no le gusta que sufra tanto, una madre lo menos que quiere es ver sufrir a su hijo. Asi que trato de ser fuerte, creer en Dios y saber que esta siempre junto a mi, me es de gran ayuda.
Asi llevo mi vida, ocupando con totalidad mi mente ya que me ayuda mucho a seguir adelante, y el hecho de saber que esta en un mejor lugar, se hace un poco menos doloroso. No hay palabras, para aliviar tantos sentimientos. Solamente pienso que el hecho de que no este conmigo fisicamente no quiere decir que no este a mi lado por siempre.
Vuela alto madre.
With time I learned to live with his absence, the pain is the same, but little by little I accepted God's will, the 17th of each month before or after I feel pressure in my chest, maybe it is because I keep so much pain, DO NOT EVER DO IT, I still have many tears retained, but it is because I suffer from migraine and crying makes me have a migraine attack, I decided to carry so much pain quietly, sometimes I want to escape from reality, at times I can do it, but it always comes back. A month ago I had a conversation with a cousin and I explained to her what it feels like sometimes in the middle of the night, a lot of anguish in my chest, I feel very tight, and I just want to cry, she explained to me that due to the trauma that I lived for sure, I may have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I get anxiety. I didn't think that all that could cause damage in me, so I try to keep going, because I know that my mother doesn't like me to suffer so much, the least a mother wants is to see her child suffer. So I try to be strong, believe in God and know that he is always with me, he is a great help.
This is how I lead my life, occupying my mind with everything that helps me a lot to move forward, and the fact of knowing that he is in a better place, makes it a little less painful. There are no words, to alleviate so many feelings. I just think that the fact that he is not with me physically does not mean that he is not by my side forever.
Fly high mom.
Traduccion realizada por traductor Deepl
Translation by translator Deepl
Las fotos son de mi autoría
The photos are my own.
