My inner side keeps telling me, you need to do this, you have to finish that. But here I'm too lazy or not mindful enough to do all of the stuff. I know how I try to make sense and make it relevant but deep inside I know that I'm not doing it right. Do you feel the same?

And I'm not talking just about my life. I can relate this to my Steem and Hive journey too!

I feel guilty that I can't curate much.
I feel guilty that I fail to support others.
I feel guilty that I don't consume much content.
I feel guilty that I don't engage much with other users.

It makes me awkward to get support and not giving it back. It makes me feel I don't deserve it.

I only give two or sometimes three hours a day to Steem or Hive. I write, edit photos, post, promote, comment, engage; everything I try to 'fit in' at this time. You can understand how hard it is to do all this stuff. And every single day I feel like I didn't make it right. It feels unfinished.

I know I can do better. Nope, I'm not talking about how much I earn. But I can do better on communicating, making friends, going up...I know there are lots of room for my improvement. But I need to take care of so many other things outside 'this world' that it became my less priority. If I say it honestly, I would love to make it my priority. I really love how this platform is and how I feel about it. But I can't do that right now...

And, it makes me feel guilty every single time!

But on the other hand-

I consume content as much as I can.
I vote randomly which seems interesting and worthy.
I delegate my voting power to many which I think to deserve it.
I delegate my SP/HP to many which I support.
I make original content every single day.
I help who pops up on my discord seeking help.
I occasionally show my support to people through commenting.

Now it's up to you how you want to see me. A helpful one or a selfish one.

Why I'm writing this and sharing with you?

I love this community and I may not leave this platform until anything big happens to me. So, I always feel it necessary to make it feel like home. Now, what I'm doing here doesn't make me feel home rather it makes me feel I'm a stranger. I don't want to feel that way. Time is running quickly and I feel like I should apologize and make it clear how I feel!

I know, I'm not the best. I know I couldn't make it balanced (what I get and what I give). I know I make you feel jealous. But I can't help myself doing more here. My whole day rush makes me stress out. And I really don't want to rush here on this platform. It may seem like, I just come here and leave with some cash. But I do try my best to give back.

This is not the end of the story, right? There will time come when everything will be on my side and I will try my best to make it better.

Maybe it doesn't matter to you. But it doesn't make a huge impact on me. No one wants to think they are not good and I'm not an exception. This platform owes me so much I don't know how can I give it back. But one thing I know, I have promises to keep and I have to go many miles to keep the promises...

THANKS FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!

Much Love

Who I am?I'm a Happy and Proud stay home Mom. I have a toddler boy and a beautiful family.
I had my University degree in 'Public Administration' and later did my Post Graduation in 'Human Resource Management'. I also gathered experience working with HR in a multinational Organization. Besides that and most importantly; I'm a life & nature enthusiast, I love to learn human psychology, I'm a 'Book worm' and very introvert but also love to travel. I'm trying to live mindfully and sure, I'm a positive learner.

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