That’s it. I’m done.
I mean… I’m done with my “work hours.”
When you stay home for more then two days, (because hey, I can), and somehow you still don’t have time for yourself… that means only one thing...war with your husband.
Why? Oh, let me tell you.
It was a few lazy days. Well… lazy for him. For me? Productive queen mode ON. The weather was perfect for reading books, building my Lego, and yes ...cleaning my apartment like a responsible adult.
Day one: cleaned and cooked.
Day two: cleaned all closets and even outside.
And then… day three arrived.
Perfect rainy weather. Nothing to do. Just me time. Beautiful, peaceful, quiet me time.
So there I was. 9 a.m. Already awake since 6 a.m. (Yes. SIX. What else am I supposed to do at that hour? Fight crime?) I don’t touch my phone because I know myself ...one scroll and suddenly it’s four hours later and I’ve learned nothing useful.
I’m sitting there, building my Lego (after cleaning kitchen, of course, because I’m not an animal), when my lovely husband wakes up. He looks impressed. I’m already active. Glowing. Thriving.
And then he says: “We’re going shopping.”
Ohhh. Beautiful words. In my head I’m already planning outfits, maybe a Lego store visit, maybe something cute. Living my best life.
We get in the car. He opens GPS.
Excuse me… why GPS? We know where the shopping center is. Why are we navigating like we’re crossing the Sahara?
And then he says it.
“Honey… it’s time for HOT WHEELS HUNTING. And you are my partner in crime.”
(In finding. Not stealing. Relax.)
I just sit there.
What. The. Hell.
I politely ask, “Oh… just one store, right?”
He looks at me, eyes shining like it’s Christmas morning.
“Nooooo. We go to a few towns. We check ALL the stores.”
My brain exploded.
But because I’m such a good wife (most of the time), I say okay. However, sir....at least buy me a coffee.
And he did! Stopped at a gas station. Told me to go inside and get my coffee to go.
Such a gentleman. Nobel Prize husband material.
Now I’m caffeinated. Game on.
New cars had arrived, apparently. This was serious business. He showed me photos of the models I had to look for. Repeated it about 87 times.
“Did you look carefully?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t forget the Ferrari. Any color.”
MISTER. I WILL NOT FORGET THE FERRARI.
We drove from store to store. Two grown adults digging through toy boxes while people stared at us like we escaped something.
Honestly? It was kind of fun. I’m very thorough. I found a lot. He? Not so much. Competitive wife activated.
( yes, my buddy birdy needs a new one)
Four hours later, he suddenly stops at a restaurant and buys me lunch. And a beer!
Again. Gentleman behavior.
I told him, “This is a bad idea. After I eat, I’m not entering another store.”
He agreed. So we decided to go home. OF COURSE the tunnel was closed.
The 10 km tunnel that saves us from driving through the center of Graz? Closed. Perfect.
So we thought, “Okay, one more store while we wait.”
Tunnel still closed.
We had to drive through the whole city. Forty minutes of traffic. I was dead. Exhausted. Dramatic.
But he was so happy. Smiling. Thanking me for helping him.
I thought that was it.
Next day...my relaxing Lego day.
Nope.
“Honey, let’s go shopping.”
Yes, I needed ingredients for lunch. Normal shopping. Responsible shopping.
And somehow… we ended up in the center of Graz again.
“Let’s just check two stores,” he says with those beautiful innocent eyes.
“Then I’ll cook for you.”
Two stores turned into four. I was hungry. Dangerous level hungry.
He saw my face. Suddenly he appears… holding a LEGO BOX.
He thanks me for not complaining (so much) and buys me a set.
WUUUHUUUU.
And he says we’ll eat out and I don’t have to do anything at home.
Okay. I forgive you. For now.
So today I wake up. We both wake up at the same time...rare event. I make my coffee and announce: “Today is MY day.”
He says, “Yes honey, of course. I’ll cook.”
I sit. Drink coffee. I gently suggest maybe he could clean a little.
He ignores me. Fine. I ignore it too. No cleaning day. I am retired.
I start writing this masterpiece. He starts cooking. He SEES I’m writing. I clearly do not exist for the outside world right now.
And this man has the courage to ask: “Can you help me cook?”
HELP YOU WITH WHAT? It’s POTATOES and MEAT.
Are you building a spaceship in there?! 😂
I say nothing. I continue writing. My next mission... dominate the TV remote. I will lie on the sofa all day. I will eat. I will turn off my phone. I will turn off my computer. ( ok, not the whole day).
Because I CAN. 💪
P.S. I’m posting this while he’s still not done cooking.
Oh, fuck my life.
Fine. I’m going to make a salad or this lunch will turn into dinner.
