Motherhood in Quarantine: The Fear and Anxiety || Free Write

Here is the thing, people tell you from the moment you get pregnant or even before how much love you will feel for your kid, what they don’t tell you is that you will leave in constant fear that something may happen to them. I don’t know if is just me, but from the moment the kid got out of the belly that feeling got installed on my body and has not left me ever since. I picture every possible scenario where the kid is not safe and I scared the shit out of me, I have to admit I probably watch too much Investigation Discovery and that doesn’t help. I lay at night watching him sleep so peacefully and think omg I need to protect him, He is a healthy boy, he is safe and sound but there are so many dangers out there I get scare so easily thinking about them!

And now we are going through a pandemic where the whole world is in quarantine and trying not to get this crazy disease that it may not do nothing to you or it may kill you, is like my worse nightmare, ever since the day the quarantine was stablish we have been doing everything in our power to stay as socially distance as possible from others, baby daddy do has to go to work every once in a while and we do have to get out to do some grocery shopping, so when we have to break the quarantine we make sure to follow all the guidelines like not touching the face (hardest thing to do I swear!) and washing our hands as much as possible.

I sometimes can’t sleep, when I try to close my eyes all I can think is omg how can I keep my baby safe from the world? I know this sound crazy and I know I KNOW I can’t possibly protect him from every single thing, but I want to oh so desperately want him to stay safe forever. I don’t know how to stop worrying and I think is something I will have to live with all my life, just have to learn to deal with it, trying to accept that I can do my best but there is always a risk, also I probably need to sleep more and so I cant stop thinking about my fears and anxieties.

I’m lucky enough to be in a country were so far, we have just a few cases of covid19 and only 10 deaths, and in the state, I’m living more specifically in the city I’m in there hasn’t been reported any cases, yet I’m still here worrying about it.

Sometimes I feel overcome by this need to make sure he is safe, but I fight hard with myself to not just keep him lock away in his bedroom, he is a curious boy he loves to go outside and play he likes to try new things out and I love to let him but at the same time I just feel afraid he may get hurt is so hard to understand this feelings is crazy and I see his dad OMG he so over protective dad, I wonder how he feels I may need to talk to him about it cause if after reading this you think I am crazy over protective you have not meet his dad he is the most over protective dad that has ever exist! I love him so much for it too, but bless his soul he exaggerates some times.

I wonder if all parents are living life in this constant fear for their children safety, is this normal? Am I crazy? I don’t know. Anyways I will finish this free write about my fears with this picture I took of him 2 days ago, him and his huge smile that makes my heart explode with love.

_{Picture Credit: All images are of my property unless said otherwise and the emojis are made with Bitmoji.com!}