It's been around two months now that I've been stone-cold sober. I'm not completely sure how many days, I kind of just rolled with it this time around and put the wheels in motion.
The changes that I've made alongside my sobriety have really cemented themselves into my day-to-day routine and have given me a much more positive outlook on life before me. I'm not ashamed to say that I had some touch-and-go moments last year where I wasn't planning on hanging around. Swings of hopelessness, fear, and intense paranoia seemed to govern my life and it was testing, to put it mildly.
Final thoughts on the depressing vibes here, I have to say that it was not a short journey through the bleak. I was always dragging myself back down and falling into patterns because of my inability to see things for what they were. It's easy to shut everything out.
I'm all too familiar with the thoughts and emotions that can be present when reading about someone else's experiences while you go through it yourself. Sometimes it's positive and you can get some motivation behind you, other times you couldn't give a flying fuck. It's best to just do your thing and when you need help, find it (not as simple as it sounds, I know).
Anyway, with that said, after two months I'm starting to notice a real growing strength in my mental and physical self. The time it's going to take to get the brain chemistry back into check is expected to take a while but it's something I am finding motivation from. Having those short, mid, and long-term goals for motivation is crucial, as long as they're realistic.
In terms of intelligence, I know I've taken a dive and it's just a case of accepting that and getting the ball rolling to elevate myself to a place where I want to be. Fortunately, I am happy with being wrong sometimes, capable of changing my perception of things, and eager to learn at a pace that works for me.
It's two months, not twenty years. There's plenty of time for improvements before the world collapses in on itself, then after that, we will just have to see.