I don’t know about you but I have always had a love-hate relationship with my place of origin. Growing up in an Eastern European country is no picnic. For those who had the courage and the audacity to leave Romania to go and live abroad for at least a couple of months and then to come back….they know what I am talking about. I think that it is almost impossible to have a fair judgement of any situation if you don’t have a solid point of reference. I will not believe a person who says to me: “come to my town, it is the most beautiful from the entire world” if that person has never gone to visit other places. In my country there are still people who have never left their village – some of them are happy and content while others marinate in regret, always wondering “what if..”.
Have I left my country and came back? Yes, multiple times. My other points of reference are nordic countries. The differences in mentality are huge. My biggest concern as a woman is safety. How safe do you feel walking on the streets of your town during the day or at night? Can you dress in a decent feminine way without feeling like a pray or have men stalking you? In some parts of India it is unsafe for women to even go to a public toilet so the factor of safety is something worth addressing when choosing a place to call my country. The second factor I consider is the length of the maternity leave. I believe that the first years of a child’s life are fundamental. A baby needs his mother as much as possible during his first two years. For me it would be unconceivable to return to work three months after I had my baby yet this is something that is normal in some developed countries. Before thinking about money one should think about the kind of family culture that they want to have and the kind of partner they want to be. Prioritizing a career will leave little time for nurturing the family and we all know that.
Education is another important pillar of the family. Where will your child go to school? Do you like their curriculum and the way the personnel is handling the children? Is the government supportive of teaching children valuable life skills or are schools still following the old industrial model? Before choosing a new country for myself I would study the educational system and what advantages/disadvantages it has. A lot of the times we as adults think that we need a lot of money for when the children will come. But a lot of money will not compensate for a school with a malfunctional paradigm in which children are being taught. I know that in Eastern Europe things need a lot of adjustment and I personally would not trust my child pursuing public education in the current educational norms set by the standard curriculum. This is not happening only in here and I must confess that my discovering of this same issue in USA gave me a feeling of bittersweet release: oh….so we’re not alone in this educational mess that we’re putting our children into.
I am an introvert and I love my quiet time. I dislike noisy and crowded places. I was pleasantly surprised by how quiet it is to ride a train in a nordic country. I remember being able to barely hear a fly on the wall. Another factor I would look at is how people are in general and what’s the culture of the place: are people polite, rude, cold, verbose, quiet etc. ? When you go to a new country you also adhere to their culture. Some are friendly and chatty and some are prudent and distant. I prefer people who are not noisy, too curious or talk too much. I find it tiresome and simply boring to be around people who talk a lot for the sake of it without saying much. I prefer people who respect a public means of transportation and honor it with decent behaviour and silence. I have heard stories of people feeling lonely and alienated in a nordic country because the natives are so introverted...but I loved it. I have found my country of origin to be a hot mess in this regard when I came back. There is something soothing and healing to know that you live in a country with a culture which involves respect, less talking and more minding of your own business.
Finally I would think about growing old. Yes...I will be someday a lovely old lady. And I will need healthcare. I would fear for my life if I were to grow old in my country. The healthcare system is malfunctioning badly. I would not trust them with my life , my husband’s life or my children’s life. I think that living in a country where you can chill and relax knowing that if it were something to happen to you , you will be handled correctly and ethically, is a huge gift. It should be normal but it isn’t. We all know what a hot mess this topic is in the USA.
I can predict what a naysayer would tell me now: oh but there are plenty people of success that stayed in their poor countries and made a difference. Hooray yes! But with what cost? You see, for every choice that we (not) make we pay a price. Some have paid with their life in order to change something in a rotten system. Some were never able to have children or a family because they were busy fighting the system. And some just stayed there because they knew nothing better. I look at success as being a form of balance in all areas of life: a financially rich person who wakes up in the morning and has nobody to say to “I love you” is not a person of success, no matter where they live.
In the end I believe that moving to a different country depends of how big of a dream you have for yourself and for your future family and the amount of force that it has to push you from your current rathole. I have always felt an alien in my own country. I often think of a way out. I can’t relate to how people in here behave and think. I don’t feel this connection that some call the patriotic love. I invite you to ponder and think why do you stay where you stay and if you were to have the courage to make a change...where would you go and why?
I personally would see myself living in a country like Norway , Denmark, Luxembourg or Switzerland. How about you?