We all know that scorching feeling when the dirt under our feet seems to disappear and we swallow our tears. I guess one didn't really got to know pain until they stood on their knees and prayed. Pain. This harrowing feeling leaves you empty, agonizing and asking: why? Why me? Why now? What did I ever do to deserve it? Will it ever end? These moments can make you angry on God and question divinity and faith.
"What you do hurts me. I am in pain because you don't do this. Please do something about it. Please stop hurting me " How often have we said or have we heard these words in our lives and they didn't make any sense because we were unable to grasp the pain of the other and make the changes and viceversa? . Pain... We can see it, but understanding it is what makes the human relationships so complex.
Every person has their own story of suffering. I can't imagine which story is worse or if we can compare one pain with another. A husband who dies or the child who dies? Which is worse? And then we are left with the living... Is it more painful to be alive and stuck in a loveless marriage? How about being abused and cheated? Or terribly alone? What if your child suffers from an illness? What if you are an orphan versus having horrible parents still alive? How much pain can we suppose that each experience "deserves"? I believe that we can never compare the pain of different human beings. For every person their personal pain is the worst. It is interesting though to notice how much from our suffering comes from the past or from the things we can't change. Some things happened 20 years ago and people still define themselves by them. They can't let go, they fuel their pain although there is nothing to be gained.
I have often thought about pain and the purpose of it. What I have realized is that life is undoubtely made out of pain. When a baby comes into the world, the mother is in agony. But from that pain there comes the utter joy of holding that miracle in your hands. For new cells to emerge, old cells have to die. There is a natural cycle of death and life, of pain and joy. Who would I be without the painful experiences? I realize that pain has the purpose to teach you, to sculpt you, to bring you to the best version of yourself. This is if you choose to learn the lesson and not dwell in victimization or resentment. Pain is a teacher because I would have never understood the pain I have caused others if that same pain wouldn't had been caused to me. In that precise moment we don't get it. But if the lesson repeats one can spiritually awaken and get it. An Aha! moment happens. Everything changes. You open the eyes and see your heart, your soul, beyond the experience. You see that the pain is always about something within you which had to be seen by you!
Pain will happen. Feelings of suffering, resentment, anger, contempt and resignation are a choice. I can't change the past and I can't allow it to define me. Pain is the tool by which the Universe makes you gain your faith. Think about how strong your faith is and how your life has been going until now. Is there any good to believe that you can make it in life without faith? I look around and see that the majority of people who lack genuine, authentic faith are unhappy and suffering. And I guess this is part of their journey and we should not judge. Instead we could send them thoughts of love and hope that they are healing and working on themselves.
I know how it feels to be angry on God. I know how it is to lose and gain faith. I have known pain. I have known joy. With all of my experiences I know that I am unique and one of a kind on this Planet as no other human being has my story. The same is with you and the other 7 billions people on this blue dot. We are all unique. Faith is not about going to church on Sunday pretending to be a good person only to gossip and talk trash about others afterwards. Faith is not about wearing crosses and bring Jesus in every talk. Faith is not about showing that you have it to those who don't. Faith is about letting that infinite power of peace, love and acceptance to guide you through this earthly journey. Faith is about praying when you truly feel you want an answer. Faith is about knowing that a higher force has your back and that everything happens for a reason. Even pain. I think about the enormous bolders of stone and how magnificent sculptures have been made out of them. This is us. A sacred spirit and soul covered in flesh and bones. I am not my body neither anything else material. I am not my experiences, I am just a spirit having a journey. The sculpting part of the soul is always done through pain and the lesson comes after we have chosen to let go of the suffering and see what pain is trying to teach us.
If you experienced immense pain, consider that you have been given the tools to be sculpted. Little by little. The higher versions of yourself will need more work. What have you become after your pain? Have you taken revenge on others? Did you become a better person? Have you become numb and careless? Have you gained faith and compassion? Now it is easily understandable why people dwell in the past and hold on to old pain: they are not ready for the new version of themselves waiting to be fulfilled. And that is ok. Every person has a journey. A journey of faith, pain and spiritual awakening. A new version of me will demand a higher effort, sacrifice and improvement. Pain will be involved. We can't choose the pain, but we can choose what we take out of it. Either way, a lesson will be learned. Sooner or later.