Are you hot?
Not like Jeniifer Lopez hot but more like Ben Affleck heavily breathing in his Batman costume hot.
Here are some unhelpful tips:
1- Be Poles Apart - Try and prove Santa is real by taking a trip to the north pole. You can also find a cool eskimo buddy and make a new igloo for yourself. That's some prime real estate! If you're more of a south pole person, don't worry, rent a tux forever and try and blend in with the locals.
2- Hug a Bag - That's not a spoonerism for bug a hag but literally find a bag of french fries, frozen peas, ice cream tub for break ups and hug them. Your love will melt them! Pro tip: Be sure to be alone while doing this!
3- Run like the wind - Beat the heat and the olympics record for marathons by running so fast, the wind becomes your natural ac. The rate of condensation theory - Science bitch!
4- Heat can suck it! - Remember what your grandmother always said - vampires never get cold. Maybe meet a super handsome vampires who glitters like diamond and have him bite you and turn you into a vampire. Then you both enjoy Bloody Marys together.
5- Mind over matter - Being hot is a state of mind. You are not warm, sweaty - you are cold as a cucumber. Trick your mind into feeling cold. You can meditate in your fridge for better results.
This is part of the The contest train's how to beat summer contest.
Meme created on imgflip with image from here.