These days I seemed to be overwhelmed by list of things I had to do around the house and garden. I had procrastinated and wasted lots of time in the past. The body and mind were just on strike and refused to what was supposed to be done. I thought it was a kind of reaction to the pressure and sense of urgency which I piled upon myself. I told myself I had to put everything in order before the next economic collapse in my country and the impending effect of a big kinetic confrontation.
This kind of logical pressure worked for a short time before the subconscious kicked in and started to rebel. Then I realised that I couldn’t control my feelings and subconscious thoughts for very long. It seemed there was mute than one entity within oneself. Was that why we had the left and right sides of the brain. Furthermore, the other half seemed to go visiting places during my sleep. Those recurring vivid dreams I had seemed so real to me. I could see myself traveling in different spaces and dimensions and formed friendships with other being in different realms. Some of them have become very good friends and guided me through different passages and negotiated with the gatekeepers on my behalf. So, I was very grateful to these inter dimensional friends and was very glad when I met up with them again.
But I still couldn’t form an amicable and cooperative relationship with my subconscious on a permanent basis. It seemed to have a strong personality and lots of wisdom. I wished this ‘person’ could kindly teach and guide me so I could avoid all the pitfalls and traps along the way. I knew I had to start my routine meditation to get in touch with this person. I used to meditate deeply in the past and life was sailing quie smoothly. Too many excuses and problems got in my way and consumed my energy and made me exasperated.
How could I be gentle and reasonable in my approach to this person? I found cycling along the river gave me some space to listen and communicate with this person intermittently. My mind has been extremely active running at warp speed under my egoistic motivation. Perhaps I had to moderate my willfulness and strong drive so I could give some space for the other person to communication with me. The more one read about spiritual teachings and gaining more knowledge, the more difficult it was to cope with all recognised complexities.
I loved observing the river with subtle waves reflecting the evening lights. Life seemed so peaceful and simple by the river. No complicated problems and emotional entanglements to be solved, no rush to get anywhere. I was mindful of cycling along the river with gratefulness for being alive, healthy and mentally alert. It’s a wonder how I was eventually led to be in this area far away from the big city. Surely, my subconscious person had silently helped to put me in this path.
So many important decisions were made easily as if I was in a dreaming state. Other reasonable people such as my friends would never dare to make drastic decisions which affected the rest of our lives like I did. I didn’t foresee the future results or outcomes, but I had a sense that I had to follow these voices in my head.
Local youngsters were out practicing rowing in anticipation of the annual boat race after the rainy season. They were rowing against very strong tide as the dams in Laos started to release water because of heavy rain. There were less than ten people jogging and cycling along the river. I was so lucky to be living along this stretch of the river. When I first came to see the land, there was only one wooden house along the dirt road and it was abandoned for years. The whole area was full of various snakes and lizards of all sizes. It was a pretty wild spot by the river. Water and electricity were quite scared so I had to install backup for both.
The river gave me a sense of belonging and stability. My existence would perhaps last longer while living along this river. The local spiritual vibes and land spirits would protect and nourish those living a spiritual lifestyle in this area. I could still e recall the first time I walked on this land. In less than five minutes, I saw the scenery which I saw in my dreams long time ago. It was as if I had traveled to the future in my dream and saw myself walking on this piece of land. In my dream, I was observing the river and the mountain range on the opposite side of this river.
I had no idea it was the mountains in Laos. I had no idea I was driven there by the new landowner who wanted to sell his land. The grasses were very tall so I had to stretch my legs to get a better view of those mountains. They looked very powerful though they were faraway, I imagined it would be quite an experience to be close to those mountains. I wished I could have been at the base of those majestic mountains. Perhaps one day I would venture into Laos to pay my respects to those mountains.
But I couldn’t see those mountains on that day. The weather was too dull but I knew I was standing at the same spot I saw myself in my dream. It took me three more years on a very clear day to finally see those mountains in Laos. I was so glad I did follow my dreams. Most of my important decisions would usually be based on my dreams and signs I was given in my dreams. So, I had my subconscious person to be thankful to as always. It’s my weakness for not being able to recognise the signs or hints my subconscious person tried to tell me several times. My conscious will or persona was too strong and logical to accept things without being analytical. That’s a consequence of being trained to be objective, critical, skeptical and scientific. The fragmentation of reality and perception according to the western paradigm of thoughts had been honed into my conscious side of the brain.
So, the learning process and struggle to find the middle way or moderate compromise for harmonious lifestyle would continue until I became enlightened. Meanwhile, the river and all the kind spirits and invisible beings along the river would have to work hard to keep me safe and protected while I continued on my spiritual journey.
Wishing you peace, good health and prosperity.
Stay strong and cheerful.