Equanimity finds its roots in Buddhist practices. Sadly, it is virtually absent here in the West. Equanimity, a noun, is defined as a "mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium." [https://www.dictionary.com/browse/equanimity. (Accessed May 20, 2021)]. In the turbulent world in which we live, many people attempt to survive by living on an emotional rollercoaster; reacting differently to the various stimuli they face. Inner peace eludes them.
To achieve the inner peace resulting from equanimity, a balance or equilibrium of one's emotions must be discovered. But this is not an easy task. As human beings, we vascillate between extreme emotions through the news, entertainment, interpersonal relationships, health, weather, etc. To discover true inner peace, these varying emotions must be held in check in a state of equilibrum.
Without even knowing it, equanimity was my personal savior. My ex-wife and I were married for 27 years before that one day she announced she wanted a divorce. I was devastated, and the situation was exacerbated by the fact it was an ugly divorce. She wound up with the house, the cars, most of the money - needless to say, I barely left with the clothes on my back. Hell, she even got my dog!
At the time I had no job, no place to live and damn little money. I had no where to turn - I was lost in my own emotional state of loss and hopelessness. I was on my own. Alone and depressed, I muddled through what I dreaded was going to be each day of the rest of my life.
After a year or so, I was growing tired of wallowing in my own self-pity. I knew I needed to do something. I needed to change the way I was looking at my own life. One morning, upon waking, I remembered a phrase that I used with my children when they were hurt, depressed, disappointed or upset. Five simple words:
'It is what it is'.
Five simple words that mean so much. Five simple words that rescued me. Let me explain.
When we experience the extreme joys of success, 'it is what it is' grounds us and keeps the emotion in check for the success is impermanent. Likewise, when life spins us lemons, 'it is what it is' keeps us in check until the sugar returns and we can make lemonade. By doing this we avoid riding the waves of highs and lows in our lives and reach a constant middle ground of mental equilibrium.
For me personally, adopting the attitude of 'it is what it is' allowed me the opportunity to stop trying to change things over which I could not control. Instead of being trapped in my own self pity, adopting 'it is what it is' allowed me to start from the point where I was, acknowledging my situation, but not letting it deter me from moving forward. I could not change what 'was' but sure as hell I could change 'what could be'.
As I said, by practicing 'it is what it is', I was, unknowingly, in essence practicing equanimity. You see, equanimity is an open acceptance of what is happening in our current experiences. Equanimity is achieved when we stop resisting our experiences. It releases us from our expectation that things should be different from how they are. Whatever happens for whatever reason is not good or bad - simply - it just 'is'.
By accepting where I was both physically and mentally, I was able to start from that point. I quickly thereafter found myself a good paying job, moved to a nicer apartment, improved my nutrition, paid more attention to my personal hygiene, and started to save money and invest. Clearly a 180 degree turn around thanks to those five simple words.
Now I am retired, spending most of my days researching and writing - 'it is what it is'. I've developed severe chronic bronchitis making it difficult to breathe from time to time - 'it is what it is'. My eyesight has deteriorated to the point I no longer drive - 'it is what it is'. On paper I lost about 60% of my portfolio value with this week's crypto-crash - 'it is what it is'. I'm living right now off some meager liquid savings and my monthly Social Security Check, that might not provide me everything I want but does provide me everything I need - 'it is what it is'
My point is that I no longer dwell on that which I can not change. Instead, I'm looking forward to getting a Golden Retriever puppy for myself this Summer and to investigating a move to Belize in the Fall. Whether or not either of these things happen, oh well 'it is what it is'. I might not be able to change my eyesight or breathing difficulties. But I can change getting a puppy and changing domicile but it's not the end of the world if I don't; if it doesn't happen tomorrow maybe it will happen the day after.... Good or bad, it is a situation that just 'is'.
I've accepted my current station in life and am happy with who and what I am. I guess I could say I'm at peace with myself and my place in the world that surrounds me. I've definitely grown from the bottom I had reached, all thanks to five simple words:
'IT IS WHAT IT IS'
and that equates to
EQUANIMITY
Thanks for taking the time to read my article. I hope you enjoyed it.
This is my submission for the POB Word of the Week : Equanimity #007 offered by 