I wish there’s a better way to tell you how painful that night was for me. That night when you said we could never be together. That night when you said that somebody else has occupied your heart that fast while being with me for a month. You didn’t have any idea that while you were saying those words, my hands couldn’t stop shaking as I’ve never expected what was going to happen. I didn’t know that the few days before that night would be the last time that I’ll get to experience a pure bliss being with you. That I’ll never be able to genuinely smile again. And that I’ll crash and burn.
After so many days and weeks, it was still the most painful one. More painful than my other breakups because that night, a major part of me died too. And the remaining living parts have witnessed this part of my old self to be buried reluctantly.
It changed me. It changed my outlook on life. It changed how I function, how I think, how I respond to people, and how careful I was into letting people in. It changed how I see and understand life. I didn’t know that such deep pain would exist and I’ve underestimated the capacity of life to hurt me in ways that I’ve failed to imagine.
I saw how a moment changes, how time is fleeting so fast right before my eyes. That one moment you were telling me that you wouldn’t hesitate to give the world or your life to me. And then another sudden moment came and you treated me like I was the most disgusting person you have ever known. Until you acted like you’ve never known me and we became strangers again.
They say time heals all wounds, but the wound you’ve caused me is way beyond having a bruised heart. My soul got wounded too, and it still cries sometimes for what was inflicted on me.
I’m a very faithful person, yes, and I call out to Him all the time. But my heart, mind, and soul that share a space inside this body have different tolerances in pain. My heart and mind can laugh or stay happy one moment, and yet my soul wouldn’t plunge over. My soul’s at peace for one second and yet my mind would keep thinking. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? It meant that my soul may never know how many years have passed since you hurt me. That’s why it cries sometimes over a pain that has happened more than a decade ago, and those for a few years ago. It still remembers. And shatters all the same.
It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So, let me say before we part that so much of me is made of what I learned from you and you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end I know you have rewritten mine. I wish you all the best. You will always be in my prayers.
Lastly, I am content in the thought that I wasn't lacking in my efforts to accompany you, to help you, to guide you on your journey to be a better man. I forgot it takes you and yourself alone to make this change, with or without me by your side. Be serious in changing yourself for the sake of your children. They might end up like you.
God bless you always and goodbye for good. From now onwards, I have to learn and accept our fate that we would become strangers again in this lifetime.