I have meet conversations where people wonder or even argue about couples living together before actually getting married. This is one topic that never get old, different views and ideas always surrounding this topic and the truth is, everyone opinion is right according to the direction the person who is sharing it is viewing it from. I like being in the middle whenever such topic comes up, that way, I can share why I feel it's okay and why I feel it's not, trust me, it's best not to be on any side of this particular topic. Humans will always be humans, there is always a reason for the things we do and we will always look for a way to make you accept our point of view, so, it's best you stay in the middle and see reasons why it's okay and why it's not okay. Many years ago, no one will bother to think about this topic, they will just tell you straight up, that it is very bad, but these days, so many things and so many reasons out there to consider, hence some fraction will tell you it is very good.
But then, if two persons dating decide to move in together, then, so many things must have been taken into consideration before taking that decision. I mean, it is ideal for both parties to have a honest conversation about why they really need to live together, it's not one person's decision, it has to be both parties coming together to have a very honest conversation. It is very important folks have this conversation before anything, because, if you guys spirit don't flow well in all directions, then, there is going to be real problem the moment you guys start staying together. I know, the reason you clicked this link is because you want to know my response, if I feel it's good or if it's bad, well, before I share with you what I think, first I will be sharing some Pros and Cons of Living Together Before Marriage.
Living Together Before Marriage: Is It Good or Bad?
The Pros
One of the pros of couples living together before marriage, is the idea of them SHARING THEIR FINANCE. A lot of persons in relationships often times, spend more time at their spouses place than they do in their own home, some even live some of their belongings in their spouses house so each time they spend the night or the weekend they don't have to worry about what to wear. But then, most couples that are planning to settle down some day with each other, in other for them not to be paying two rents or even be paying utility bills in two separate places, for them to reduce cost, they always agree to live together. For so many persons, this is one of the reason they prefer to stay together, one major benefit about this is that, both parties understand each other financial state even more and also know how to better manage themselves.
Since they are no longer living separately, they can better manage their money together and this will even help them save more.
Another reason that many will consider as pros for living together before marriage, is the fact that, IT BECOMES LESS STRESSFUL WHEN YOU FINALLY GET MARRIED. Before I go deep into this, we should first understand that, living with people or someone is quite different from when we are living alone. Even if it's your family member, or your lover or even just a friend, people always have a way of getting on your nerves, but with good human relationship and understanding of those persons, we can actually survive with those persons. Hence, the reason why so many persons in a very serious romantic relationship prefer to live with their lover before marriage, because, the first stage of dating one another wouldn't necessarily show everything about the person, but with time, you begin to understand some things about the person. When you are in a serious relationship and you guys are staying together, it creates an opportunity to better understand how each person behave and also know if it's something you can accept for the rest of your life. Once you understand that person, eventually when you guys get married, it becomes very easy for you guys to live together.
Also, another pros of couples living together before marriage is that, THEY BECOME CLOSER AND BUILD STRONGER BOND WITH ONE ANOTHER. Couples who live together before marriage, often times tend to understand each other more, and when there is understanding in a relationship, the bond becomes even more stronger. This is someone you stay with everyday, you understand what get them angry and how to better fix the problem. This actually help a lot of persons communicate more in a relationship, and once the communication in a relationship is good, the bond is always very strong. Understand that, talking to your lover on the phone everyday is way different from you staying in the same apartment with the person, personally speaker, I feel you get to know a lot about a person when you stay with them. No doubt, people can pretend though, but when you stay with someone, you will also be able to tell if they are faking it or they are themselves. So, I feel it always bring couples closer to each other and also strengthen their bond when they live together.
The Cons
As much as there is a good side to everything, there is also a bad side, and one of the cons of living together before marriage is that, OTHER PEOPLE MAY NOT APPROVE. People always have their opinion about things and sometimes, they don't even care if you seek their opinion, they just go ahead and say it the way they feel it is suppose to be. Most times, before couples in very serious relationship agree to stay with one another before marriage, they seek the opinions of maybe their family members or even their friends. And these folks might share reasons why they feel they should not stay together. Other times, the tradition of some persons just would would not allow them do it, depending on the cultural beliefs of their spouses. Other times, their religion might just be what will be against the idea, some religions don't accept it, they believe a man and woman must stay together only when they have been joined together. So, people might not approve the idea of folks staying together before marriage, even if the couples involved are contemplating it already.
Another thing that I feel might be a con for so many, is the fact that LACK OF SUPPORT FROM THE OTHER SPOUSE MIGHT WEAKEN THE BOND. Not every couple coming together might have the financial means to keep the house going. Some couples are lucky, both parties have something to offer to the table, that way the respect for each other is there and they are both supporting each other to build a house that some day they can proudly call a home. But, for some couples, maybe it's the man that has something doing, or maybe it is the woman that has something doing. If only one person is carrying the problems of the home, then the other becomes more of a burden or liability. And when one person start feeling like they are the one carrying all the load and the other is just there, offering no support, slowly, the bond begins to weaken and issues start coming up in that relationship. Now, get this right, there are other ways to support the home even when you are not the one providing, if you are not a provider, you must be a good manager, you can support your spouse by knowing how best to help them put their money to better use, not just helping them to spend it all the time. If you lack this type of support when you are not assisting to provide, issues are bound to happen, hence folks wouldn't even contemplate living together before marriage.
Another cons of living together before marriage, is the fact that, YOU GUYS COULD SAVE MONEY, BUT IT COULD WEAKEN THE BOND OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Okay, let me explain what I mean by this, you know, when you are single and you stay alone, you control everything relating to your finance, that means, how you spend it is one hundred percent your business and you don't need any form of validation from anyone on how to go about your money. But, the case is different when you are living together with your spouse, every penny spent is going to be accountable for, she wants to know what you are spending that huge sum on and he also want to know what you are using that money for. Basically, you can't spend anyhow anymore, because right now, you guys are trying so hard to save, because that's one of the reasons you guys moved in together in the first place. Once this start happening, you guys start monitoring each others move when it comes to the money, issues slowly start coming in and trust issues start to come up. Once trust issues start coming up in a relationship, then lack of communication starts to take place, because so many persons want to take full charge of their financial state and want to control their money without validation from anyone, so many persons will liking not accept living together.
Living Together Before Marriage: Is It Good or Bad?
I have shared some pros and cons why living together might be good or bad. No doubt, you are still reading because you want a definite answer, something to hold on to, something that best says why you should say it's good or why you should say it's bad. Well, the bottom line is this, the choice of whether to move in together before marriage is definitely a choice that you and your spouse have to take. It's not something I can decide for you, honestly speaking, there is no clear right or wrong answer, we live in a world with different people, who have different minds and different way of seeing things. So, whatever decision you and your partner take, you guys just make sure you have an understanding conversation about the whole thing before taking that decision, and whatever decision you guys take, you guys should do your best to make it work out.
Thank you for reading!
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