We do everything but socialize on social media or rather, we socialize without really connecting.
Social media made us play status games in public, and it's the main undertone across nearly every platform.
Managing expectations in this domain means there's always a metric to be somehow optimized, which sometimes slide into getting chronically online.
I'm thinking more of how the superficial aspects muddle with the deeper aspects that are just beneath the surface, and how these contradictions crop up when some of these social media interactions graduate(descend?) to IRL.
It's quite obvious that people can be different online versus in person, but what's less discussed is how the performative layer tries to work both ways, online and offline.
I like that, for the most part offline conversations unfold without edit buttons. There's little to no time to craft the perfect response, no ability to delete and retry when something lands awkwardly.
Body language, tone, and timing carry as much weight as the words themselves and these are nuances that get flattened in text-based exchanges.
I've heard and noticed that there's less fakeism with phone calls, easier to sense when something is not right with just listening to the raw voice of the person on the line.
When Avatars Meet Bodies
Online, we get to be our most considered selves and I don't know if it's necessarily dishonest or just radically edited selves.
For example, there's a counterintuitive knowing that some people feel more of themselves online than offline, there are more touching points or rather aspects of themselves that they can present online, whereas when offline, the moment itself only allows for one or a few versions.
This could be the nature of reality, as in fixed laws and constraints.
Always a surprise when the person who's witty and thoughtful in their posts turns out to be quiet and reserved at dinner.
What's interesting to notice is the similarities matter as much as the differences.
Both online and offline, we're still performing, just on different stages with different audiences.
The dinner party has its own unspoken rules, status hierarchies, and forms of posturing. The difference is that offline, these performances are ephemeral and usually there's no permanent record or comment section dissecting every interaction weeks later. Thank goodness.
In terms of one shaping the other or vice versa, the feedback loop works something like presenting a curated versions of ourselves, receive validation based on those presentations, then internalize that validation as part of our identity, albeit loosely. See it more like a clothe one wears.
Online rewards consistency and clarity; offline tolerates and even expects contradiction and complexity.
What I mean by that is we can hold multiple truths at once in person as in be funny and melancholic, confident and uncertain, without needing to flatten ourselves into a single coherent brand.
The metrics aren't neutral. I wouldn't walk into a dinner party expecting to see a like-count hovering above each conversation although we've normalized exactly that dynamic in our digital spaces.
These platforms should've just leaved this reaction feature only on top level posts, people are too dependent of it nowadays, especially when on the receiving end.
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