Having your identity attached to a single purpose or rather primarily focused on a specific goal or calling is one of the most perfect excuses to stay the course when the going gets tough.
Rarely do we do things from a purely rational perspective since almost all of our judgements are coming from how we feel about them.
There are more things I did based on intuition/instincts than things I didn't do based on logic and careful analysis, which says a lot personally on how I perceive and interpret the world around me.
It's also not uncommon for people, myself included, to manufacture reasons to persist out of the blue when the going gets tough as a way to keep one's spirits high via having a sense of duty for something bigger than theirself.
I could recall my mom telling me to find my belief outside of the purview of materialism lest I live a mechanical life where both the process and outcome are stripped off deeper significance.
At the time, I didn't give much thought to it, partly because it just seems too abstract to me. The other part is life was relatively simple for me back then. I thought I knew what I wanted, why I wanted it and how to get it too. Anything else apart from that was considered unnecessary distractions.
Life really does have a way of turning worldviews upside down and inside out, sometimes in a very persistent way that ignoring it becomes impossible.
I don't think materialism in and of itself is lifeless, for how else could it exist for so long without offering something real to people?
Part of me will always find a sense of comfort in tangible goals, measurable progress, concrete achievements. These things matter to a certain extent.
The attachment to it however is what drains the life out of it, as in material success being the only scorecard to measure your entire sense of self.
Coming back to the identity dilemma, a strongly held identity does sometimes amplify what you think you are and not necessarily what you are.
Like looking at yourself via a specific lens that filters out everything that doesn't fit the narrative.
"I'm someone who never quits."
Yeah, well. I have learned that quitting and failure are different.
These stories we tell ourselves become both armor and prison.
I've only learnt of this differentiation as of late via personal experience and reflection.
Certain manufactured self-images can work well across different seasons of life. Like being the one with the plan.
But alas, when the narrative no longer serves its intended role, or worse, starts preventing the wearer from seeing new possibilities.
Such kind of amplifications interestingly can co-exist within the same person at different times or even simultaneously.
You can be both the person chasing material success and the person yearning for deeper meaning. So, for me this is another lesson on integrating or rather re-intergrate different aspects of myself towards a proverbially unified direction.
I wish it was that easy as how I write it down here with the ideal mental image in my head.
Self-knowledge is a lifelong process and the "you" that you think you are keeps shifting as life reveals new dimensions of who you might be.
I don't know. I'm still processing how to hold identity lightly enough to wear it like clothes I can change and not a skin I can't shed the moment situations demand it.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.