Sometimes, one can hedge their risky bets by placing vicarious expectations on a close counterparty with the hopes that the latter may succeed when one fails on the arena of competitive pursuit.
Competition comes in various forms and I've noticed this subtle impression from close ones who expect me to succeed at creative endeavors, which somehow gives them the ground to venture further into the risk curve in their own pursuits.
People engage in a form of "emotional hedging" or "social risk distribution." And the core mechanism looks something like this:
Person A (let's say a friend or family member) places high expectations on Person B (you, in this case) to succeed in some competitive arena.
But this really isn't just about wanting you to succeed for altruistic reasons. Instead, Person A is using your potential success as a kind of psychological safety net that allows them to take greater risks in their own endeavors.
It's a financial portfolio strategy but applied to social relationships.
An investor hedges a risky stock position by buying insurance or a counter-position. Person A is hedging their own risky ventures by banking on Person B's success.
If their own risky bet fails, they can still feel some vicarious satisfaction or validation through your achievements. Or maybe, directly piggyback on it.
Lowest Common Denominator
This creates an interesting dynamic where the expectations placed on you become almost transactional, even if neither party explicitly acknowledges it and your success becomes their backup plan of sorts.
I'm trying to not input a moral judgment into this dynamic. It simply is what it is, maybe a natural human behavior pattern.
It's a tough emotional landscape to navigate and I think even when one realizes the undercurrents, the pattern continues to operate beneath the surface of our conscious interactions.
The part that I don't fully grasp is how to respond authentically when you recognize this pattern.
When you're on the receiving end of such expectations, the pressure to succeed is layered with complexity, in that you're both pursuing your own goals and carrying the weight of someone else's emotional hedge.
This in itself affects how you approach your creative work. The stakes feel artificially inflated as failure is also potentially letting down someone who has psychologically invested in your success as their safety net.
There's an odd loneliness in this position. You wanted support and encouragement, and now that you've received it, you realize it comes with this unspoken contract.
Does he/she believe in my work for its own merit or because they need me to succeed for their own peace of mind about their choices?
Long Proxy Games, Short Responsibility
On the other side of the spectrum, that is, on the giving end, I can only speculate about the motivations and feelings involved.
Imagine a sibling who has always dreamed of starting a tech company but stays in a stable corporate job due to fear of failure.
They see you, their brother or sister, quitting your job to launch a startup in the same field. Your bold move becomes a source of inspiration and also a way for them to explore their own ambitions vicariously.
They cheer you on, perhaps too excessively for your liking, because your success validates the possibility of the path they didn’t take but this isn't clear to you at all.
Now, if you succeed, they can share in the pride and feel emboldened to take risks themselves. And if you fail, they feel safer in their choice to stay secure, having "tested" the risky path through you.
Isn't it interesting to realize that on both ends, one is basically using another's journey as a way to test the waters of possibility without getting wet themselves?
Proxy games are all well and fun until the moment of reckoning comes, which is when it is clear that even after doing the work you actually didn't do the work.
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