I'm eyeing taking a full day off from everything that lives in and around the spotlight, disappear into the countryside and just be.
I don't have the full option to press that button and make it come to pass without knowing what the unintended consequences are.
I think for one, I'm underestimating my own tolerance for the known unknowns or rather having an exaggerated belief that silence will somehow automatically restore me. That stepping away will be enough and the countryside itself holds some magic I can simply absorb.
The truth could be more complicated than that.
It's one thing to tell myself I need these days off because I'm relatively exhausted, burned out, overstimulated. And I am, to a certain extent. Still there's something underneath that exhaustion I'm not trying to acknowledge in that taking a full day off equated with also running from something. Or toward something. Or both at once.
Secondly, will prefer to have a clean slate, so to speak, before taking this day off. I think it's a prerequisite, if not, the full day off would just be a day off in paper. Different environment, but still same set of thoughts/emotions.
Usually, changing environments should change how we think/feel but in reality it isn't always the case, as per experience. Have sat by quiet beaches with a racing mind. Body arrives, mind stays tethered to whatever is left behind.
Could be why people sometimes sabotage their own time off, I think via sensing that they're not really ready for it, haven't earned it yet, or well prepared for it, or in my case created the conditions that would allow one to actually receive what rest has to offer.
An internal will of sorts is needed to change the landscape which mirrors this popular saying lasting change can only come from inside.
Also, the realization eventually comes that one can't outsource peace. Yes, I may be able to rent it from a beautiful location or borrow it from a schedule cleared for one day but for the kind that really really makes a difference, it has to be cultivated here and now.
What's well decided on is working towards setting up the right conditions for that day to mean something.
Say when I've met my responsibilities to the point where I can, without guilt or nagging anxiety, actually step away.
On the other side of the spectrum of rest/escape from the spotlight, the need for these days off hints at something interesting about how we're living the rest of the time.
If we're constantly in the orbit of things that demand our attention, performance, and presence then of course we'll periodically need to disappear. Since we need to achieve some form of balance or risk losing ourselves entirely to the noise.
I wonder how this need builds up without us noticing until it's already overwhelming.
Until then, though, we work with what we know for now.
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