I know. I am mostly missing in action.
Life has a way of sweeping me off my feet and ferrying me through days in a snap of these fingers. I find myself lost in a sea of responsibilities and I can't afford time for my oozing ink.
The last few days though were all about sitting with my inner child and ironing things out over the lifelong grieving process of my favourite girl. Her 23rd anniversary stirred unresolved dark emotions and my current self couldn't make herself ignore them.
I opened up for whatever chaos the memories would drag from the shadows but I found myself going back in time wrapped in amusement. If my mother would have been a word or two, they would have been resilient love.
How she manoeuvred through what I am finding to be such a task as we speak is among the wonders of the world for me.
While lost in her memories and the most recent one of her father, a friend reached out and after a conversation that didn't last long, I was reminded that grief is love.
I am grieving a whole lot this season but I am also loving the release of it all. I feel like I should make this soul-cleansing ritual my new religion and follow the light it is leaving in its wake. I am sure everything would organically mend itself and extend a few more scars.
...art by Ricardo Chavez Mendez.
The residue of my burnt soul lay at the spot where my feet stood. I have shredded my ego into fine dust and now I wait on the spirits of my ancestors to guide my reborn soul home.
What I hold within is a spark flickering around trying to reignite my darkness and rewire my electrical energies. I am waiting on the clarity of my intuitions to finally kick in and hold the sacred grounds that have been overtaken by the ever influential self-doubts.
I am listening to the wild breeze and my depths. The echoes of my lost cries are responsible for steering my steps from the path my eyes can't.
How I hope I can learn to weave into darkness and light with ease. The triggers that that courageous attempt alone holds can help unlock smoother days ahead.
May the universe send me the ability to see beauty amidst all that happens to my person as this is where I shall find my rooting. Where else is home if not here?