So 
ThreeFunnyFactsAboutMe challenge - comes with Bonus Hive Rewards
Challenge posts are great fun, but to give you all an incentive to share your funny facts 
Winners will be announced on 19th August - two weeks from now, so that gives you all plenty of time to compose your amazing posts.
Winner Receives 100 Hive
Second Place Receives 50 Hive
Third Place Receives 25 Hive
That is 175 Hive in total being dished out to the winners, and of course everyone that posts with #threefunnyfactsaboutme will get upvotes from everyone following the tag.
The Rules
This is going to be pretty simple, we need three funny facts - but you need to make a good story for each one, embellish your facts with a decent amount of background information, unique photos if you have them - the more you put in the greater the chance of being selected for a Hive prize. Putting
- I once stuck a hot dog sausage in my ear, and my neighbours dog then ate it and nearly bit my ear off
- I pierced my nipple with a paperclip
- I have Exit Only tattooed on my buttocks
Does qualify as #threeefunnyfactsaboutme - but if you want to win a Hive Prize you really need to give us a good story - and some good pictures to go with it too.
You should also link to this post, and also 3 Funny Facts About Me by
Finally tag three of your Hive friends you would like to take part in this challenge.
Now let's start with my #threefunnyfactsaboutme
Funny Fact 1
I dislocated my thumb while snowboarding. Ok not initially very funny - but it's the story that makes it. And that's one of my snowboards, K2 step in binding and boots (step in is so much easier especially when you are in a resort with many drag lifts).
So this goes back twenty years when I was snowboarding in the French Alps with relatives, it was a Sunny mid-February day and I was away cruising the Piste doing some fast 30mph plus runs down relatively quiet slopes. I cleared a rise onto a steep downslope (black run) to see half way down a family of 5 traversing the slope. Because the slope was steep they were crossing side to side to make the decent slow - the three children behind parents were quite young maybe from 8 to start of teens. As I was heading down at speed I had to judge as they were heading to the left side I would need to head right to pass them safely. Inexplicably they turned mid slope from heading left to heading back right - the direction I was going to avoid them. You have to consider all this is happening really quickly - suddenly they are heading into my chosen path and the edge of this Piste is solid forest - on my current course if they continue right to the edge of the Piste I will either have to run into them or veer off Piste into the forest - neither option appealed. As I got closer to them, and they got closer to the edge of the Piste I had to make a judgement call - they formed a chain across the Piste too wide for me to try and carve left and hope to avoid them, on my present course I was going to get intimate with a tree trunk - only option left is to hard brake. On a Snowboard you stop quick by putting the board into the same position in my photo above - slam the board side on and dig your heels in. Only at the speed I was going the edge just bounced off the hard Piste and with every bounce my lean back got closer to the slope - until I was sat on the slope desperately trying to dig the board in and using my hands for positioning. I stopped 1m from the startled family, and my left hand stung like crazy but it had been dragged through snow. Anyway disaster averted I continued my day, but every time I got on a chair lift if the left hand caught it wrong it stung like crazy. This was around 1pm, and I continued until the lifts closed at 5pm.
So once I got back to the apartment at the end of the day and took my gloves off, I found my left hand thumb had a new big lump where it joined my hand - and it was impressively red and swollen. Relatives suggested this was not a hope it get's better situation so off to the medical centre I went. The Doctor seemed nice enough but only spoke French, and I only speak English badly - so it was kind of fun. He made the same sort of noise a car mechanic makes when you take your car in for service - you know sucking air through teeth and that look that suggest this is going to cost a packet. Then he took some X-Rays and showed me how my thumb was now not attached to the ball socket on my hand it should be. Then he made some hand gestures that suggested he was going to try and make a Calypso Ice Pop emerge from it's paper case. The nurse made a face like she had just sat on a drawing pin. He took my hand by the wrist with one hand and pointed at the thumb with the other - then he just grabbed my thumb with the other hand and pulled either way like he had hold of a damn Christmas Cracker. My brain exploded in pain and my thumb lump went away. He got the nurse to put a pot on my hand all the way to the arm elbow, charged me £350 for the agony and gave me some pills that weren't even psychadelic. I had that pot on for the rest of the Holiday and two weeks at home, before I had to go to the hospital out patients to have it cut off.
Funny Fact 2
In truly #british fashion I love trips to the coast, and of coarse the very traditional Fish n Chips. This photo is from Whitby harbour - I have been for work or pleasure 100's of times over the years - Whitby is a lovely historic port on the East coast of the UK. This is not funny though
These two are though, you see Bob and Barry the Seagulls there - they are master thieves and whatever food you have going they are going to swipe it before you even have chance to utter bugger where did my fish n chips go. You see what they are doing there - it's deliberate misdirection - they are looking away from my delicious fish and chips so I will also look in that direction - but as soon as I do quick as a Whippet they will be all over my fish and chips while I'm away looking at a few nice houses and cars on the road.
Seagulls I am quite sure are the highest evolved animals on the planet, they are cunning about it - they don't make it obvious they are really intelligent because they know they would be victimised for it - they deliberately act like dumb scavengers so the idiot bipeds leave them well alone. Want proof?
Seagull spotted walking around with a 20inch arrow THROUGH IT'S BODY! - yes to the higher evolved seagull a 20inch arrow right through your body is a flesh wound, a mere annoyance - and don't look at him funny because he'll fly at you and put the point end of that arrow right into your eye socket.
Funny Fact 3
This isn't funny, but it's a fact. I'm conscious that in the last three years of being on the blockchain I have shared everything and anything about me - and I want to make this post unique. So going back way back through my business I would drive up and down the UK delivering espresso coffee machines to new start up cafe's. And nineteen years ago I had a memorable trip to deliver and install an espresso machine to a new cafe opening in Shetland - the small island off the North Coast of Scotland. To get there I had to drive 5 hours to Aberdeen, and as I approached the docks to catch the ferry the radio station issued a news flash. This was September 11th 2011 and the News Flash was about four commercial airplanes being hijacked by terrorists and flown into the Twin Towers and also the Pentagon. 2977 people lost their lives that day, with more then 6000 others injured. It was and still is shocking news to take in, but especially at that time when I was about to board a ferry for an overnight trip to Shetland, totally isolated from friends and family - taking on board what had occurred was a real challenge - the shock and horror at how anyone could commit such attrocities with no justification.
I made it to Shetland and spent four days on the island, it took me an afternoon to drive from one end to the other (slowly taking in scenery, it is so small you could do end to end in an hour or less)
The island is full of history and the people who live there exceptionally friendly, while I was working for a business owner starting a coffee shop, the bed and breakfast I stayed in was lovely and the owners so friendly, and it extended wherever I went - despite being an obvious outsider people were genuinely welcoming and interested to know how I had arrived on their Island. And when I said I was fitting a coffee machine they knew they shop, the family that owned it, expressed excitement that finally Shetland would have a cappuccino machine. It was an amazing experience, albeit tainted by the Twin Towers atrocity - but in a funny way it showed me both sides of what the human race can be like - positive against negative. This is not a funny fact, but it is funny how for all the horrible negatives the human race has blighted it's existence with, there are as many or more positives - amazing heart warming caring people are out there - if you have not found them yet I hope you will do someday soon.
Tag three people to join in
So I'm going to mix this up a bit, and go with
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