It's just past the middle of my 2 weeks of HIVE Voluntary Service at the 
I am volunteering at the Kingdom with others such as, and not limited to, 
I woke up ready to get to work and have a productive day. Only to be met with an utter shock - I had run out of coffee. For my lovely fellow cinnamoner's, you already know that this is just the beginning of a tragic story.
I already had plans to make a quick stop to buy some much needed items with HBD, so I decided to also grab a quick breakfast with HBD. Why not? But the only thing in my head as I walked through the downpour of Krakow was "how could I let this happen?".
In the rush of the days, I had forgotten that I need to re-up on coffee and breakfast items.
Roughly 4 years ago, I had given myself 1 year to rebuild myself after moving from Krakow to the Netherlands. 1 year. It came and passed. I failed. Miserably. Horribly. To the point I couldn't look at myself. Some of you mat know what followed after that. Others, we aren't good enough friends, yet.
My shrink told me that I was too hard on myself, that I had set the bar way too high given the circumstances, that I should take it easy. I scoffed. And maybe that was the moment I decided that this shrink shenanigans and business wasn't designed for someone like myself. Long story short, soon after, I needed no shrink no more to tell me that I couldn't challenge myself.
But it was a good thing. For I learnt and grew. In a much different way than I expected.
As I neared this Pizza Hut, the air started to feel like frozen cake. It felt like I couldn't push myself forward to take another step. Alas, that was only in my head.
For these beautiful aisles of Galeria Krakowska are not new to me. Roughly 4 years back, I walked the same aisles. "How could I let this happen?". The question riddled my mind endlessly, on repeat, without a break. I wandered into this very Pizza Hut, with a voucher I had cut out of a newspaper at the Warsaw train station. It was a discount voucher, and I had limited resources.
I cannot recall all the details. In some diabolical way, I have managed to bury a lot of these memories of toil and shame. I had garlic bread, I think. With a few zloty that I had, supplemented with the voucher. Or maybe it was a small pizza. But all I remember is the question I was pelting myself with repeatedly. For it was my actions, and plenty of tiny misjudgements that had gotten me here.
But ye, blind-spot, of little faith. Little did you know it was the start of a beautiful hymn.
I passed by it this time. No need to walk in and neither the need to protect a newspaper cutout. My head and chest high. Content and satisfied. I have done well. It was an ironic moment - a "how could you let this happen?" of life altering circumstances now replaced with a "how could you let this happen?" stemming from forgetting to buy coffee because I was too busy chasing impact.
After a quick sprint at the carrefour and seamlessly paying with HBD, it was time to dwell a little more in the glory. To reminisce and eventually rewrite the horrid memories of these aisles with prettier ones.
An electric cup of chai latte with cinnamon and spices, paired with a toasted egg sandwich. If you'd like to learn how to do this with HBD, just keep following the HIVE Voluntary Service story.
It is probably the quietest time I have had in the last few months. A good opportunity to see how far (and differently) I have come. From not knowing what's next or behind, to now knowing what people mean when they say "meaning of life".
If it weren't for the "how could I let this happen?", I wouldn't have challenged myself to regroup, reflect, re-evaluate, nor restart. I wouldn't have tried nor learned. I wouldn't look for other ways nor perspectives. I wouldn't have had faith. I wouldn't have excelled. If I were to have this very cup of coffee 4 years back, it would have been accompanied by panic, confusion, loss, and pain. And yet, here I am. In the same place, knowing what I have done, doing, and want to keep doing. I know with certainty and confidence that I've made the right decisions and have impacted 1000s of lives for the better - and it all began with "how could I let this happen?".
So I'll continue doing what I do - setting the bar of "my best" higher and try to achieve it.
The coffee, or maybe the epiphany, replenished my energy and I went ahead to have an overall fruitful day. Or let's just say, I at least did my best.
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