Surrogacy is an arrangement where a woman agrees to carry and birth a baby for another individual or couple, who most times have issues procreating. In my part of the world, anything contrary to the norm is considered a taboo. So imagine their opinions on a thing such as surrogacy. You will be considered not African enough and a failed woman.
As I reflect on this journey, I am quickly reminded of the countless women who have been faced with unimaginable struggles in their quest to become mothers. Some of these struggles resulting in emotional challenges such the stinging pain of infertility, the agony of miscarriage, and the desperation of feeling like time is running out and the wall is closing in.
Before now, surrogacy was something that was greatly frowned upon. Even couples who do it do not publicize it. Some of them would go as far as faking pregnancy by wearing fake pregnancy silicone, and when the baby is about to be born, they will travel to meet the surrogate mother. The next time you see such women, they are carrying their surrogate babies, and then they'll tell you they birthed it. They will go to church to use it as a testimony but won't say it's surrogacy; they will liken their story to Sarah in the Bible and tell God did it. Yes, God did, but why the deceit?
I am greatly of the opinion that everything on this earth is from God, and even when it's not a natural process, God gave the knowledge for such groundbreaking discoveries. Imagine the number of babies that would have remained unborn if surrogacy wasn't a thing.
There was this dietician I used to follow on Facebook. I followed her because her theory on the body healing itself with the right natural food intake, including fruits, vegetables, spices, cooking temperature and duration, is true. She talks about changing to a healthy lifestyle and strict consumption of naturally cultivated food to help combat diseases. Her teachings were accurate because everything cultivated contains essential minerals and vitamins that the body needs for healing and repair processes.
I was following her aggressively and even implementing her teachings until she suddenly posted that surrogacy is of the devil and children gotten through such a process are demonic because they are not gotten naturally. Hence, they are not from God. I immediately placed a halt on my followership and blocked her when I saw she was not stopping. To even think that there were people agreeing to her nonsense was shocking.
Recently, a Nigerian social media influencer exposed us to her surrogacy journey. Despite being a mother of three, she shared with us her struggles and failed attempts at conceiving for the past seven years. She kept having miscarriages, even with IVF, and at a point, she got super exhausted, and then the opportunity of surrogacy presented itself. Despite having someone else carry her and her husband's child, her body was stimulated for her to be able to produce milk and breastfeed the newborn, so as not to miss out on the entire process.
I watched that documentary on Facebook and saw how happy the couples were. How can something that brings hope to the hopeless and joy to women trying to conceive be tagged wrong or even satanic?
I also recall the wife of my former employer, on one of her visits back then, she spoke to me about losing her son at age nine. As she spoke, I felt her pain; she was aggrieved, and despite having one child left, she spoke with so much pain, like she was empty. Such pain is very rare for a woman to come out of.
I asked her why she didn't try again for more children. She looked at me with teary eyes and said she did; she kept trying and kept losing them via miscarriages. Her heart could no longer take it; she had to stop. This was such a long time ago, an experience for her when surrogacy was done in secret because it was frowned upon. I bet if it were now, she would not hesitate to try out a surrogate.
Being knowledgeable about these women's stories built in me some sense of empathy and connection. I was immediately brought to the realization that surrogacy is not just a medical procedure but it's a journey of hope, resilience, and courage.
Experiences like this are why I support surrogacy. Let every woman who can afford it have an opportunity to do it. I am happy that it has come to stay, and as such, deserves equal level of acceptance as the traditional methods. Personally, I have it in my future plan to save up some money with my partner for surrogacy because I currently do not have the mental capacity to go through pregnancy and child birth.