Why does it always seem that we could have the best advice for people, yet we never seem to have our own lives in order? If you’re someone that people come to from time to time, hoping for clarity on certain matters and trying to get a clear path to solve a particular problem that they’ve been facing, then you just might have an idea of what I’m actually talking about.
The thing is, you could give people advice on how to go about the most intricate and complex moments of their lives, you could have nuggets for them, despite never having experienced these things personally. You’re just smart and wise like that. However, when it comes to your own personal life, you seem to find it hard to follow the very same advice that you peddle to people. Not that your advice is bad or wrong, they’re the right kind of advice. You just don’t follow it.
If you’ve followed the story of King Solomon in the bible, then you’ll see that he’s a classic example of this. He was known as the wisest man in the world, and his kingdom benefited greatly from his wisdom. He knew how to solve intricate cases, and people came from far and near to listen to him speak. As in, there is an entire book of the bible dedicated to his words, parables, and songs.
But for some reason, his personal life was nothing to write home about. Like, what could possibly be wise about having 300 wives and 700 concubines? He was also a terrible father. See how his son ended up? I could go on and on… but this post is not about Solomon. It just shows that while he could have given life-changing advice to everyone else, he never seemed to be able to do that to himself.
Why does this happen? Why do we allow things to get so bad, even when we know for a fact that it’s wrong? Is it because we have no one to tell us? It’s just like waiting for someone to tell you to get your life in order and get a job, meanwhile, as an adult, you know that you should get your life in order and get a job. So, does it mean that if no one tells you, you won’t actually do it?
This is how messed up it is. We’ve seen pastors and reverends who change lives with their sermons, they are the gold standard when it comes to parenting, and every child listens to them and wants to be like them. Except their own kids! Because their kids end up being wayward and unruly, totally different. It begins to look like while the pastor was teaching everyone else to be good children, they conveniently forgot about their own kids.
I think one of the most heartbreaking cases is those who are very helpful to abuse victims. They advise people in abusive homes to find their feet and take their freedom; however, upon closer inspection, it’s revealed that they’re also in one. Sometimes, I wonder why exactly we do this? We know very well that we’re getting it wrong, yet we don’t really do anything about changing our situation.
I think herein lies the problem. It’s always easy to be objective when someone else is experiencing it. And most of the time, objective advice is the most logical and smart. But it’s also the reason that many people don’t like it, because most of the time, you just feel that the person advising you doesn’t understand what you’re going through. Note, though, it might be a feeling, but that doesn’t make it true.
So, it’s a simple case of seeing the speck in other people’s eyes while ignoring the plank in yours. Maybe we’re trying to convince ourselves that if we can convince others to change their lives for the better, we’ll find the strength to do the same, or we’d simply savor the victory with them. I don’t know. I’ve also found myself in this situation from time to time.
Well then, what can we do? As I said, the human mind will never stop amazing me.
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