Having parents who make it a point of duty to be involved in every little thing about you can be one of the worst things to experience as a teenager. They want to know all your friends, they control everything about your life, even in the classroom. Hell, breathing without their permission would be impossible with them in the picture.
This might come as a shock to you, but there are many parents like that. Even when the child is grown, they would still try to exert control. Making decisions for them as if they’re incapable of doing it on my own. It’s not a funny thing at all.
When I was in HND 1, one of my neighbors in the lodge where I lived had such a parent. He was only in ND 1 and that was his first year away from home, so it was a big deal for him. However, it was also a big deal for his mom as well. This guy has relatives in the school already, he crashed with them while he was looking for a place to stay before eventually coming over to my lodge. His mom had followed him all the way from Abuja and while the boy was staying with relatives, she lodged in a hostel.
She was instrumental in finding him the lodge, she spoke to the president and caretaker, and also made sure that everything was in order. When the boy moved in, she remained in Owerri for about a week before she returned to Abuja. But she returned a month later, and from then on, we were seeing this woman at least once a month in the lodge.
You know how hostels off campus can be, everyone is free to do what they like and you only have authority over the space you paid for. There will be students who are smoking all sorts of things, the smell polluting the air. There will be those playing loud music, stopping you from reading. However, as students, you figure out a way to deal with all these on your own. Figuring your way through all this forms part of the basis for your maturity.
In his defense, the guy was really trying to stand up for himself. But his mother’s constant presence was always a hindrance. As expected, whenever she came around she didn’t like the fact that her son was living in the same lodge with smokers and there were also people playing music so loud. She tried to react, and as you guessed, they didn’t like it. Just like no one can come to your home and tell you what to do in it, that’s the same way you can’t go to the homes of others and tell them what to do.
She didn’t like it though, she argued with the smokers, argued with those playing music. When that didn’t work, she tried to get the landlord to kick them all out. But that didn’t work either. We even suspect that she involved the police, because there was a time that police officers raided our lodge for seemingly no reason and picked up some boys. We couldn’t prove that she was responsible though.
All this made this guy a bit of a pariah. No one liked him, because, to everyone else, he just seemed to be killing the joy of being away from home. He didn’t have friends and none of the neighbors were vibing with him. You will know how much people hate you when they refuse to charge your phone for you even when they are charging for others.
The guy didn’t even wait till his rent ran out, he moved out. And we never saw or heard from him again. About a month after he left, his mom came around. It looked as if she didn’t know that he had moved, apparently, he didn’t tell her. He didn’t want her to know his new place so she didn’t ruin it for him as well.
This story I just told you is the perfect example of what a helicopter parent is. Yeah… it’s important to be in the lives of your kids, but you simply can’t do everything for them just as you can’t fight every battle for them. If you're sure you've raised them right, you need to be able to let them fight their battles on their own. Because continuously butting in wouldn’t make it any better.
Finding a balance is what is most importance. We don’t want to shelter our kids from so much that when they become adults, they can’t function without us. So, we just have to be careful.
