On the 25th of January, 2024. I had to let her go. She is the kindest person I have ever met, not only to me was she kind but to everyone else generally. She has a gentle spirit, never jokes with anything related to God and His service, she was always ready to help and to be of assistance, she would ask if I was okay every time I stay silent for awhile.
Before I met her, I had been loved but the way she shows her affection for me supercedes in multiple fold that which I have ever experienced before. She never stressed me nor had faults in our relationship. She loved me unconditionally but I still let her go.
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Trust me, this is a long story, but I have typed it in the shortest possible way.
I met Gift in the first week of November 2022, two months after a break up with my ex-girlfriend, a lady I had dated for more than four and a half years, with a lot of sticky pleasant memories. But the last 8 months of the relationship was otherwise, we had lots of arguments, misunderstanding, and the likes. We would try to settle things but we grew more apart before we later broke up.
Fast forward to November, while trying to move on from my down moments. Gift and I start to vibe so well on phone and calls. Sometimes we would talk on phone from 9pm to 3am in the morning and chat for one more hour before going offline. It was the first time I felt so happy talking to someone in the past ten months. I was still broken from the past relationship, but talking to Gift kind of made me feel more alive, then feelings started to grow so fast.
Fast forward to 25th of December 2022, I asked her out. She told me that she loves me already but that she was scared due to the fact that she could sense that I had not completely healed from the hurt of my formal relationship. She told me that she would think about it which she did. Three days after, she called and told me she was ready. I was so excited that I named her My Christmas gift because she was so kind and pure hearted.
A week into the relationship, I messed up. I met my ex-girlfriend, we trashed some things out and settled. I thought I had moved on but it turned out that almost 5 years of relationship wasn't something that I could easily walk away from.
That evening I called Gift, telling her about what happened, I tried to apologise, but she got so hurt that she hung up the phone and blocked my number. About 2 to 3 weeks after, she called me, telling me that she had forgiven me, after all she knew this could happen and still went for it. I apologised and that went. We do talk once in a while after that day.
After 6 months of getting back with my ex-girlfriend, things started to go sideways, it got bad to the extent that we had to settle the issue, telling ourselves that the relationship can no longer work out, this was because we were only dating in the fantacy of the good memories we had at the onset, arguements still persisted.
About a month after the breakup, Gift and I were chatting on Whatsapp, then I told her about the breakup. As time went on we began to chat daily and call more frequently. I tried not to make feeling grow on my end and never asked her out
Gift had always been a good person, even when I broke her heart, she still tries to offer assistance at every chance she gets. Since I was finally done with my ex-girlfriend, she started to make it obvious that she wanted us back. But I chose to act like I didn't see the green lights for more than two months until one day, after sunset I called but she didn't pick my calls or reply my messages. I kept calling until she eventually picked up and poured out her mind. I had never felt so emotional the way I did that day. I could hear the pain in her voice, she told me how much she liked me, how much it hurts her to see that I wasn't willing to. She then said that if I know I wasn't interested, I should let her be and stop raising her hopes.
I explained why I chose not to ask her out the second time. I didn't want to repeat what happened the first time. I wanted to make sure that I don't break her heart again, and I wasn't sure if she would want to date me after what happened. She told me that she loves me and that she had put all what happened in the past.
After the conversation, I was still not sure, it was like something was telling me that I was still going to break her heart the second time. I didn't want to hurt her feelings further after she had poured out her mind. I like her, she had been the sweetest lady I have ever met, but something kept bothering me.
Eventually, I asked her out again and she was excited to accept. Initially we had a lot of time for calls and chat, we weren't in the same State but we saw eachother once in a while. Has my final year project started to surface, I started to have fewer time to talk to her. Also I had to face some financial realities and needed more time to get things sorted and also get my project done. I explained to her and she understand although she needed my attention nevertheless.
Fast forward to January 2024, I got so busy that I had a lot running through my mind. She would call me while I was in the middle of a meeting, work and other related things, I would pick and tell her that I would call her back but I would totally forget and get carried away with another occasion till I get tired and sleep at night.
At the end of the day, she could no longer cope after she had complained a couple of times without any changes from my end. She probably thought I was seeing someone else which I tried to explain to her that I wasn't.
I thought about it for a moment, I was getting closer to my thirties and would soon start to think of having a family, but I am no where close to being who I want to be financially and around. I felt that these are the day where I should really focus on personal development and making money before diving into relationships. And that was the reason, I had to let her go.
I still feel like a bad person any time I remember what I made her go through, I had deliberately remained single ever since then, I wouldn't want to jump into a relationship without being 100% sure that I was ready mentally for it.
