Happy newyear my lovelies! This is my first post of the year, I wish everyone struggle free and beautiful year!
This topic on toxicity brought back alot sad memories because I have actually being in a relationship that questioned my mental health, and it was so crazy that at some point I didn’t even mind how I was feeling anymore, I just wanted the relationship to work because I loved him, I really don’t if its an illusion but I know I had so many breakdowns from that relationship but then again I still wanted that same person, by toxic doesn’t mean that he beats me, because truthfully I won’t take that from anyone but emotionally and mentally I was really down. While I was in that relationship, I’d question myself worth a million times, I couldn’t even find time to be happy genuinely, the only thing I could see myself doing is how to make him happy and just neglecting myself, I placed him so highly, while the obvious fact was that he didn’t really care.
I could remember vividly, while I was on the hospital bed fighting for my life, I was also fighting for that relationship, I would call him a million times, yet no replies..I could count the times he came visiting, for someone that his girlfriend is lying on the hospital and unable to work, the funny thing is, he still picks on me, Infact we still argued about unnecessary things while I was in the hospital, honestly writing down all these things to me is just funny now because I never ever taught I could walk away from that four years of torture, I wasn’t allowed to have male friends or nor even speak to them, he would always check my phone to see the people I’m chatting with, honestly my love, time, tears and energy didn’t worth the toxicity that I received.
Nobody is a saint, we all have good and bad characters at some point, but its bad to let the bad side overtake the good side, in the four years that we’re together, we quarreled over a million times, it was such a bumpy ride, although I loved him but I lived in fear anytime we were together, because he’s either looking for ways to get on my nerves, or make me sad or even make me see myself so low, two times in a row on my birthdays, he ruined it by accusing me of cheating on him, at a point I started cutting my friends off, and these are people that I had great friendship with even before I knew him, whereas he had friends and he would even talk to me about his female friends but I dare not do thesame, basiclly the whole relationship revolved around him.
And so one day he got me so pissed, I already had it in my mind that I wanted to leave, because I couldn’t continue such kind of relationship, I told him that I was never going to call or text him and that was during Christmas period and my so called boyfriend then didn’t even bother to call or text me, not until February in the newyear, he would hide his caller ID to call me, fortunately for me, I made up my mind so well and block him on every social space and his number too.
One thing I would advice people to do to reduce such acts of being in a toxic relationship is thinking about your health and safety, I feel once you think deep and realize that such people careless about you and how you feel, then that should be enough reason to move ahead, everybody deserves to be loved in such a better and sweet way.
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY💐🌺