Forgiving and forgetting is the right thing to do but in reality is forgiving and forgetting actually a packaged deal? Although the person who made the statement of “forgive and forget” didn’t make a mistake while uttering the phrase, truthfully to me one cannot really say that they have forgiven someone that hurt them without forgetting what the person actually did to them, and by forgetting doesn’t necessarily mean that the particular memory should be wiped away but we should look at it as though nothing really happened and also the ability of not keeping the hurt in mind.
Now it is a packaged deal to me because the more we keep remembering those hurt, the more the pains keep coming back, and by doing this revenge might kick in, to be honest its really not easy to forgive and forget some certain kind of hurt or betrayal, then again this memories will keep weighing one down when it can’t be forgotten, and most times it’s quite too late when we now decide to let go fully.
Biblically we were created to act and follow Christ, Our creator died for our sins, and with everything we humans do hurt him still he chooses us everyday and forgives our deadly sins day by day, it should also be in our to forgive the people that hurt us so that our creator also forgives our sins towards him.
If I would be truthful, I really don’t think one can exist without the other because take me for example, someone hurt me so bad some years ago, it was a matter of love and I wouldn’t really say that I have forgiven that person fully because everytime I come across that person, all I remember is the hurt, the mental break down, the insults, th gaslight and narcissistic behaviors, recently we talked and if there’s something I regret saying to him was that, “sometimes when I remember what happened between the both us all I feel is just to curse you”.
When I said this to him, it quickly dawned on me that I still haven’t let go fully, and sometimes the feelings really weigh me down because what I passed through then with him has really affected most part of my life now that I am trying so hard to work on, more reasons why I can’t really forget.
In another way forgiving is quiet a different ball game from forgetting because, not forgetting has also shapened me differently, it has helped me guard myself towards some certain repeatition those mistakes, it has helped me set boundaries, and it has also taken away vulnerability from my life.
However the whole point is that when you don’t forget, its as though you haven’t moved on, one just keep revisiting the pains and hurt over and over again, replaying the offense or using it as ammunition in the future during conflicts, forgiveness is given full internal release while forgetting is fading away of the painful emotions, over time the memories no longer control your emotions or dictate your actions and this is what it means to have “moved on”.
All photos are mine
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