I am fond of saying that it takes a lot to get a reaction out of me. My reaction spot is like that part of your back that’s hard to scratch – very difficult to reach. 8/10, I’m the ideal definition of a chill person. But everyone once a while, something or someone manages to reach that which is difficult to reach.
I like giving people multiple chances because I know how I myself can be when it comes to stressing people out or making mistakes. But, no matter how empathetic you can be, everyone has or needs to have a "gotta go line". Something(s) you consider an absolute deal breaker, or a select number of times of doing something that you just arbitrarily decide you’re pulling the plug at. The deal breaker can be a type of feeling that if a job or a friend or partner or whatever made you feel, you’re walking. For me, this deal breaker has been threats to my peace of mind.
How much does your mental health cost?
Almost all of us have had the unpleasant experience of working a job we absolutely hated because it was what put money on our table. In that case, would it be accurate to say that the figure for your salary then was how much your peace of mind costed? I understand well enough that sometimes, these are sacrifices we make to be able to honor commitments/responsibilities to our families. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that you still woke up every morning meh about the work you’re going to do, and you go to bed at night completely sucked of life.
What I just described is very close to my reality about 4 months or so ago. I loved the work I was doing, but it had me grasping on to dear life with how stressful it was and how toxic the work environment itself was. So after 4 weeks, I decided that the salary and my love for the job just wasn’t worth either the physical or emotional toil it put me through on a daily, and I quit. At the time, I was thinking of a lot of things like how my family and friends might think of me, but now new things have happened that has helped me see that that was actually God redirecting me. Lol. I have gotten some newer and lifechanging opportunities that I would’ve missed if I stayed at the toxic job.
Let’s shift our attention a bit to relationships. Whether friendship, romantic or familial, relationships are one of the most expensive bonds to build and maintain because they require serious investments of emotions. The emotions are not always negative, and can include memories such as graduations, hangouts, dinners and the likes. But like yin and yang, they come with hurdles too, and sometimes the hurdles break your back to carry. You constantly have to understand people’s actions, excuse things, and forgive them for shit. I have put people in this position a lot, and so because I know what little shit I can be sometimes, I’m also the type of person to understand, excuse and forgive people for many things. But of course, everyone including me has a limit.
Like I said in the beginning of this post, it’s usually very difficult to get me to this limit, where I’m willing to let it all burn. If I remember correctly, I believe only 2 people have been able to get me there. I don’t like giving up on commitments (people or things, but I love my peace of mind very very much since I already have 104 other things stressing me out, so I just can’t compromise it for too long. What is important to note is that if I’m being that big of pain in the ass to others, I don’t blame them for doing what I would’ve done in their situation either.