It was on a Sunday evening, March 9, 2008, and my world was totally altered. I remember waking up that day feeling sad and unhappy. I was recovering from an illness, which had forced my switch from boarding school to becoming a temporal day student so I could be under closer observation, so I had to stay with my aunt, who was a short distance away from my school. That day, I received the devastating news that my dad had passed away. As a daddy's girl, this loss was particularly excruciating. My dad and I shared many traits, from our stature and food and movie preferences to our love for board games, common allergies and mutual love for perfumes. His death left a big vacuum in me.
Image is mine.
My dad was an exemplary figure in my life. He was principled yet easygoing, humble yet firm. He was not just a loving and caring father but also an adoring husband. We witnessed his devotion to my mum, and she often confirmed it even to this day. Despite being in Junior Secondary School 3 (JSS3) when he passed away, the time I spent with him was filled with invaluable lessons and cherished memories.
One of the most significant lessons my dad imparted in me was the importance of gender equality in carrying out house chores. Unlike many traditional households where chores are divided based on gender, my parents instilled in us the belief that everyone should contribute equally, as this will help us when we start living on our own. I grew up watching my dad assist my mum in the kitchen. On busy days, he would take charge of preparing meals for us. Interestingly, my dad was an exceptional cook, better than my mum when it came to certain delicacies. I and my younger sister had always disliked ogbono soup, but the first time we tasted the ogbono soup prepared by my dad, we enjoyed it. That moment marked the beginning of my love for ogbono soup.
Beyond culinary skills, my dad taught me practical life skills without waiting for my brothers to take the lead. From a young age, I learned how to change light bulbs, turn a generator, pour water into a car carburetor, and even slaughter chicken, a task that many might consider to be for the male gender. These lessons from my dad instilled a sense of confidence and independence in me.
My parents (image is mine)
Another important lesson I learned from my dad was about sex education. While my mum was hesitant to discuss the topic because she felt we were too young (still in primary school), my dad took it upon himself to educate us. He approached the topic with sensitivity and thoroughness, ensuring we understood its importance from a young age.
My dad was always present in our lives; he never missed an opportunity to show up at our schools and other functions requiring the presence of our parents. He was our cheerleader. He was committed and always placed his family first in everything he did, which has left a lasting impression on me.
Moving on from the loss of a loved one is never easy. It has been over a decade since my dad died, yet the pain of his absence remains. There are moments when memories of him bring tears to my eyes. I still long for his presence, his guidance, and his comforting words. Despite the enduring pain, I have found ways to cope and move forward.
With time, I've come to realise that moving on doesn't mean forgetting the memories shared with our loved ones while they were with us; instead, it is more about finding a balance between honouring their memories and embracing the future. It is about allowing oneself to feel the pain of their loss while also celebrating the joy of their existence. Coping with loss is more like an ongoing journey. There are days when the grief feels fresh, and there are days when the memories make us smile instead of shedding tears. Unfortunately, that's life.
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