The world is torn with a these societal standards that I honestly have no idea who set in the first place. One of the loudest ones is this idea that men are supposed to be tough. Society says “men don’t cry”and people agree without questioning it. From that moment on, men are expected to show up for themselves, their families, and everyone around them with a certain level of toughness. A silent reminder stays with them that they are not supposed to complain or show emotions, even when they are going through the most difficult times of their lives. According to these standards, the moment a man shows emotion, he automatically becomes “weak.”
Most men bought into this narrative and carried it with them for years because they don’t want to be seen as weak. Every day, they move through life handling responsibilities, providing, fixing things, solving problems, and pretending everything is fine. But the truth is, everything is not always fine. When it gets overwhelming, they already know they can’t even say “I can’t do this anymore,” because the moment they admit that feeling, they stop being a “man” according to the law set by Mr Nobody. So silence becomes their coping mechanism. One they cling to, not because it helps, but because it’s the only option they’ve been given.
However, in recent times, there has been a shift in the narrative. We now live in a time where men are being told to open up when they have to, or even cry. I’m not exactly sure what caused the change. Maybe people finally realized that men also have blood flowing in them. Or that they breathe the same air as everyone else. Or maybe they suddenly remembered that men were created with feelings too. If emotions were such a strange thing for men to have, why were they created with them in the first place? Why didn’t God just make them robots from the start?
Personally, there are times when I jokingly tell my big brother, “Don’t you know you’re a man?” and he always responds with his default answer, “No, because I’m also human.” That response always sticks with me. It shows how unfair and lacking in empathy it is to expect a man to remain stoic when his world is falling apart. Being a man does not cancel out being human, no matter how much society tries to pretend otherwise.
The first time I truly witnessed a grown man cry was when my uncle lost one of his twin boys. When we went to pay our condolences, I noticed something that didn’t sit right with me. Most of the visitors surrounded his wife, comforting her, holding her, and checking on her. Only a few people paid attention to my uncle, who was sitting right there with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes from crying. I even heard some people say, “If you’re crying like this, what will your wife now do?” As if he was supposed to be strong for the both of them. As if his grief needed to be minimized so someone else’s could make sense.
They both lost a child. They both shared that pain. Why should only one person be allowed to show how much it hurts? And is that even the right thing to say to someone who is grieving? It made me question where we truly stand on this issue. Should men cry or not cry? Are they allowed to feel, or only allowed to function?
The bottom line is this: we need to allow even the smallest measure of empathy to take over. Allow men to show when it hurts. Weakness is not in tears, and vulnerability does not make a man any less of a man. It doesn’t turn him into the opposite gender either. The world doesn’t really care anyway, it judges everyone regardless. The least we can do is acknowledge the men who feel deeply, break down when they need to, then still pick themselves up and come back stronger. It shows a manner of courage the society isn't ready to digest and it deserves some credit.