In the circle of pain, fresh injuries of the pain people felt before are reopened and are passed on to those around them, but no matter how far the trauma can take them, it can never heal the pains or make them forget the memory. Nobody can justify pain with more pain, it never ends there, just like when you lie to cover up a lie, and you still lie to cover up another lie, and this cycle keeps going on and on. So, why not break the circle so that you can be set free?
There’s a saying that people who are hurt also hurt people. And sadly, it’s true. A woman who is destined to have a single child in her lifetime and the child later dies can inflict pain on other people's children, as we have seen in a Yoruba movie called Efunsetan aniwura. She experienced pain, betrayal, and emotional trauma. It shaped the way she treated her slaves; she killed anyone who disobeyed her as a result of not letting go of her pain. Therefore, she inflicted wounds on those around her and this is a cycle of pain, where unhealed scars create fresh injuries in the lives of others without her feeling the damage she was causing.
I have seen a brother who was raised in a toxic environment, where the father must beat their mother from time to time and this brother perceived and ate the hatred and refused to let go. He married, and he started in that way of life until he killed his wife, before the story of how he was in that circle of pain was revealed. The hurt happened again because he was living, eating, dreaming, drinking in the circle of pain. However, no matter where the hurt came from, the spirit of letting go matters. Trauma may explain why someone is hurt, but it doesn’t excuse the harm they cause. If we keep justifying pain with more pain, the cycle never ends.
A girl who has been raped before will never see a reason to have something to do with a man if she doesn't let go and break the cycle of pain to move on with her life. A person betrayed by her best friend may struggle to confide in another person, and some who face rejection from families and friends may struggle to mingle with anyone. However, the person carrying trauma needs to let go for the journey is just as hard as a stone of stagnation which can not just break except through the wall of prayers. Breaking the circle of pain means forgetting the past, seeking help, choosing healthier relationships, and deciding to find a permanent solution to the pain and let every shackles of hurt end because just as pain is contagious, so is healing.
Forgiveness is possible, but it is never cheap just as we pray to God for forgiveness of our sins. God forgives but it requires a genuine repentance before our sins can be forgiven. Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the wound never happened; it means refusing to let the pain define the future. Even though it is difficult to do, the choice to let go is never easy, but it is what it is.
Here is my response to the #hivelearners writing edition on the topic: Circle of pain
The image is sourced.
Thank you💕💕