Sometimes I really want everything to be perfect and alligned with the way I programmed it in my head but it never happens and that alone is really sad. I just want a life that I can afford everything I seek for and most times I just feel everything is working against me and the more I work harder it just seems clearer that it will always result in the same thing.
I'm always broken when I'm sad and sometimes I just have to leave everything that makes me happy behind just because I over think that they are my problems, meanwhile I'm the cause of every problem happening to me.
Sometimes all I think about is my old life and how I changed to become what I'm today, I really wish I could change my life but everything is happening so fast and I don't even have the time but most times I encourage myself to be the pilot if my life and maybe something might just happen out if the clouds.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, year have all passed and all that changes with me is just my age, I really want to be a blessing to people but how can I bless people when I haven't blessed myself yet.
I don't want to get involved with things that will make me lose heaven because I don't see anything that will make me want to lose eternal life and miss rapture. Even though I'm in a mess, I still always have the mindset that nothing last forever and I'm always reminding myself about the day we all have been anticipating and the day would come when we don't even know and I don't want to miss it.
Life is cruel sometimes, and it can't be fair to everyone and we just have to accept it that way and work our way out of it because challenges will always come as long as we are alive. Challenges will only stop when we die because a dead person doesn't have any challenges any more.
Sometimes people think their outward appearance makes them righteous, but that's a lie and I know the truth is hard to digest. Whatever worldy thing you possess doesn't make you righteous. Sometimes I just wish I could fix all damages and my anxiety which is like planet earth but they all keep trampling me down.
I hope every problem be over very soon and I would definitely work better to be a better person. Much love from here, I love you all
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