A lot of burdens will continue to weigh us down every moment because of how deep they are and how often we continue to pay attention to them. When we forgive, our soul is usually free from a lot of weight, but those weights leave our mind totally when we forget, hence what the Bible says about forgiveness and forgetting. Until we lose the memory, we are still in the middle of what we seems to have forgotten because it still somehow has power over us.
We made ourselves believe that we have forgiven the offender, but we still create and put that memory at one silent part of our heart where we try to view the occurrence over and over, replay all the things said word for word, the position, and every sting. We say it to the face of the person, "you can go; you are forgiven", but the receipt is still kept somewhere in our draw just in case the person messes up again, we bring out the old memories and refresh the brain of the person of what they say or did in the past.
But here is the truth no one wishes they were told: forgiveness without forgetting is like a woman and man having sex; the man believes his pull-out game is very strong, but at the end of the day, the lady ends up getting pregnant. Just like someone who got injured but keeps pouring salt on the wound. What do you think is now going to happen? Exactly what you are thinking.
Now, I would like to look at this from the biblical point of view. Forgiving someone is something that we can never negotiate, accordingly to what Jesus Christ told Peter in the book of Matthew 18:21-22, when he asked how many times an individual should forgive someone who wronged us up to seven times in a day. Do you remember the response given by Jesus? Jesus answered Peter's question by saying, forgive not seven times. but your forgiveness should be seventy times seven. As someone who understood this, this has gone beyond counting, but is about developing the lifestyle of letting go totally. He went ahead by saying that, “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” in the book of Hebrews 8:12. Looking at the example set by our creator, why can we not also follow his footsteps by not clinging tightly to those things to the extent of remembering them?
Even though, meaning to forget something is far from erasing it because our minds as humans are not whiteboards that we can write on and wipe away so clean. We can forget something by deciding not to allow the memory to follow us everywhere we go. It is like having a key to a padlock but refusing to open it. It is letting go of the pain we passed through without allowing it to dictate our peace.
In my culture, where people attach more importance to honor and pride, forgetting and choosing to forgive might feel like weakness and surrendering. Some members of the same family can hold grudges for generations, thereby passing them on and on to their bloodlines. But I see those people as well because the strongest people in life are those who choose not to carry such heavy weight on themselves. They decided to let go, not for the offender, but to set themselves free.
Few years ago, I watched a movie, I cannot really remember the title, where this man owned a farm business where he grew and produced different farm products, and his blood brother whom he employed to be manage the business, betrayed him. He had no other choice than to sack him, for over eight years, he was holding grudges against his brother and avoiding him by all means, even though his younger brother was finding all possible means to ask for his forgiveness. Unfortunately, the elders brother felt terrible sick and was hospitalized. What came to his mind was not his big farm, cars or money, but he remembered his younger brother. That was when he got to know that the very long years he had wasted on keeping grudges were more damaging than his brother's betrayal.
Forgiving is something difficult in a way that you will need to lay down and waive your right to take revenge. Forgetting is way more difficult in the sense that even though we might be feeling the pain, we need to keep it silent. Yet, both are worth our try because if we do not, they are silent killers that accumulate over time and weigh us down one day.
So, if you ask me, forgiveness and forgetting are just like our teeth and tongue, both work hands in mouth while eating. Yes, you can forgive and still remember those things, but until the memories are lost, your forgiveness will just be halfway done. Forgetting and choosing to forgive is a true freedom, which makes them a package deal.
Life is way too short to be going about with the record of pain. Sometimes, the most courageous thing you can do is let go of the past and focus on the future, not because you are weak or it is what they deserve, but for your peace of mind.
Thank you for reading.
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