Back then in school, there was this guy in my department who was well known for his hot temper. Not infamous, I mean famous. People always say something about him, like close to admiration. “You know how he can be,” they say this in almost an affectionate way.
As his course mate, then, I see it as something very confusing, because what I noticed about him was that he says some things that will leave people not talking to him for days while he goes on with his life like nothing happened.
And here is the thing that no one really talked about when it comes to these hot-tempered people: that individual who has the hot-tempered nature never pays the full cost of it. It is those around them that get the share of the cost. Maybe their friends, family members, colleagues take in those words like nothing happened in order to let peace reign.
And if they are married, the kids they have might probably carry that interaction till when they grow older, and their partner will continue to process it quietly. When that hot-tempered person flips the table, it mostly has no effect on them because they move on perfectly while those around them are bothered.
The funny thing is that some people who are usually hot tempered won't see the big deal in it, because they will say, “It's my character; take it like that.” They will never see it as a flaw. Some will even call it their passion or way of life. When most hot tempered people do something, they are feared at the same time, and also respected for their actions. People will begin to get more careful around such people, and they will call it love. But what is likely to happen is that most people who are always hot tempered got it from their parents. And this is how this pattern will continue to be inherited and passed on to every generation, which is very destructive if we think deep.
And in my honest opinion, this can be used as an excuse in any way. Yes, temper is very real, and there is a way we all struggle with it than the other. But what I know is that there is always a difference between giving excuses and explanations towards trying to do anything to control it or stop it.
I have met people who will say, "that is my nature. It is who I am” and they have been saying this for as long as possible now, whereas they have been leaving all sorts of damages everywhere they go. And to be, that is nonsense because they are not being honest with themselves. They allowed it.
Though we cannot force emotional growth on people. And I totally get that. But what we can also do is to stop accommodating people by accepting volatility like a personality attribute that deserves room from everyone around them. And we should stop normalizing it like it's something good, even when we tell the person and they get angry.
Thank you for reading.
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