I knew this about myself from the very beginning.
I am not the kind of person who thrives in a company setup. I cannot imagine living a life where I sign a contract and spend years doing what someone else programmed me to do just to be rewarded for obedience.
It is not because I hate discipline. In fact, discipline and routine have always been part of my life.
But there is one important detail.
I am the one who sets them.
I have never been comfortable living like a passenger in someone else’s system. I function better when I can build something, organize it, improve it, and take responsibility for what happens next.
Not because someone told me to do it.
But because I decided it is worth doing.
But here is the funny part.
Whenever I choose to work for someone else, it is not because I suddenly changed who I am. It is actually the opposite.
It is my version of resting.
Sometimes it feels nice to let someone else think, plan, and carry the weight of decisions. To simply do the task and leave without constantly evaluating systems, analyzing outcomes, or asking myself how things could be done better.
For a moment, my mind gets to be quiet.
No projects to build.
No systems to redesign.
No constant internal feedback loop.
Just work.
And that, strangely enough, can feel like a vacation.
But there is one thing that easily drains me.
Nonsensical work.
Nothing exhausts me faster than repeating something that no longer makes sense just to prove I am not lazy. When something could be done efficiently but is repeated again and again just for the sake of compliance, my mind immediately starts questioning it.
Eventually my mind wakes up again. I start seeing patterns, inefficiencies, possibilities, and improvements. I begin thinking about how things could be done better.
I am wired to observe, build, adjust, and carry responsibility for what grows from it.
That is why I know I will not last long in employment. Unless I need rest or a kind of character development that I cannot learn any other way, employment is a big no for me.
And to be fair, there is nothing wrong with people who thrive in structured environments. Some people build great lives that way. I simply learned that my mind works differently.
Honestly, I am still unfolding who I am.
But one thing has been clear since the beginning.
I do not just want to work inside a system.
So yeah, don't ask me about the stable job.
I wear unemployment like a badge.😅