2022 has been a year of learning for me even if most of the things I've learned have been a result of endless mistakes I've had to make. This doesn't mean I haven't been grieving, spending time regretting, or hoping I can turn back the hands of time.
However, I like to see it as a year of learning rather than a year of mistakes, regrets, and failure. This is because I like to console myself with the idea that my failure stories are a learning process because saying or thinking so gives me hope as I head into the new year.
However, we're all different, a lot of people tap into their failures, remunerate and dwell on them, without knowing that counting one's successes isn't only about being appreciative.
It's also about banking on these successes as momentum or some sort of confidence
So while it seems I've failed externally, I see it as learning differently, because I choose to tap into all the happenings in my life from when I became conscious as a learning process that should provide enough experience in my advent or quest to become better.
I like to learn, and losing both parents made me create an appraisal for learning. I started cooking when I was 10 and this was basically because the turmoil in my family made me understand the importance of independence. So in my life, the doggedness to learn isn't just because I'm curious, it's because learning for me is inevitable, I need the lessons to better my life.
The Luxury Of Not Affording Any Luxuries
There are luxuries I couldn't and still cannot afford and one of them is the luxury of procrastination. I have been w conscious and subconscious learner, I program and train myself, to learn even in the worst conditions, instead of just experiencing life alone. I think living life without learning is vain.
Most people do not grow within themselves and if one cannot grow from within, it's impossible to grow externally, also it's impossible to be intentional about learning externally if we cannot even find the essence of learning internally.
I'm mostly self-taught. This means that some of the knowledge I have about the reality of life is perceived. I lost my mom in August, the impact nearly sent me under. The financial constraints were the biggest thing I've had to face all my life.
Everyone Succumbs To The Danger Of Uncertainty
Then just a month after her death, my brother had a fatal accident These things made me realize I should have taken actions or made decisions that could have prevented the catastrophic events from happening, I knew some of what happened, was within my means to overturn, but then again.
I remembered, we can only change the fabrics of reality to the degree of things within our power. I also learned about the importance of adherence to premonitions, but then I remembered I wasn't entirely dismissive, I had my health issues to handle and because of it, I might miss the moments I should have taken big decisions in my life.
What If It's Broken.But Unfixable?
For example
.....I've been indecisive about the things I need to fix in my life, this is because I'm scared of getting it all wrong. 2022, began on a good note, I remembered that I could have tailored my plans to achieve some of the things I wanted, the means were there, but I felt I was not mentally ready, I delayed the decision, and now I'm back regretting not having to trust my instincts.
I'm a very slow-to-action type of person and this is because I rather bear the opportunity cost of procrastination rather than wallow in the consequences of regret. So being slow to action might have taken away my opportunity to change my life in January, but one of the things I've realized is that we never take time to applaud ourselves for making the right calls especially if the reward of doing so isn't as obvious as we'd want.
Being Underappreciative Is In The Gene
This is to say that, I feel I've made so many good calls this year, however, because I didn't see the consequences that might ensue if the calls were wrong, it makes us subconsciously underappreciative. Most of the time, we don't celebrate wins that aren't obvious because we didn't get to live with the consequences if these prospective calls were wrong.
This leads me to be appreciative, I'm hardly unappreciative and this is mostly because I try to weigh whatever predicaments I have with the idea that the situation could have been worse. This doesn't mean I try to underestimate the current problems I might have, most of the time, the things I try to achieve balance, this is because it is a state of mind where I stay adrift, aware of my failure and victories simultaneously in other to find peace and hope for a better tomorrow.
I wouldn't lie, a lot of things worry me and one of them is the fear of capitulation
maintaining an upward stride but suddenly an expected turn of events happens and we're back to ground zero
It is one of the most gruesome places in life. I worry about my health, I worry about my life, I worry about my opportunities and if I'll ever pull off some of the things I've planned for my life, I also worry I might not hit that dream family or future that I want due to circumstances within my control.
All of these might be too much, but sometimes it becomes difficult to delineate me from these worries. However, I just take pleasure in the idea that the future would be better, and friendlier than my agitations whatsoever. No matter what, when there's life, I believe a lot of things are accomplishable. I'm hoping and heading into 2023 with a very positive mindset, cheers. See you on the other side.
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