It was an eventful weekend for me. This means spending more money than I usually plan. It's alright, I'm not a big spender, I mostly forget my rules because times like last weekend were a one-time thing, meaning, one-time expenses and indulgences, provided I won't break my pocket. I have been managing fatigue for such a long time now and instead of me to nudged down a bit on the activities, I sort of intensified it. I feel I haven't been having time off to enjoy the thrill of being a human being. I got this feeling because I think growing up becomes boring at some point in time. It's been difficult to enjoy the things I used to.
But the thrill of life seems to come from havings unlimited means these days
Eventually
.......I find it difficult to keep up with conversations with people. I can no longer type two to three meaningful sentences. Some of my online acquaintances already feel like I'm pushing them out of my life, hence, I can say we're no longer friends. I have this crazy fellow I finally stopped picking up her calls, she was always on my heels to call her every time, but because she's such a terrible conversationist I find it difficult to create fun conversation too, I wanted to be alone, and being stressed takes away my ability to see any fun in talking to someone over the phone. I felt she craved too much attention, I once gave it to her, but since I can not anymore she began to feel too deserved and after I got ill sometimes back, I stopped picking up or answering her calls or texts.
some ladies are just this way, they offer nothing, yet wants everything.
I feel time, money, affection and cravings are cyclical, can't expect it you can't give
My mental health was cleansed of all that toxicity and even if I was physically fatigued and needed some dosage of my medicines, I ignored taking any of my medications and rather choose to have friends over instead. (Although I'm now feeling the effect of not taking my medications) I think these days, I crave more physical presence more than than online affiliation. I think it's because I'm beginning to be needy, my life can be a mess, fighting different illnesses sometimes and trying to stay fit to either flip assets online, play splinterlands or even cook. (I enjoy cooking)
I know that my health situation becomes a limiting factor sometimes, but sometimes I just snub everything and lay down on my bed for days without going outside. Anyways, this Saturday, I snapped out of it and asked a friend to come to cook for me and my flatmate, she came over, I also had another friend from my school days come over and we spent two refreshing days of eating and watching TV, cracking jokes, having fun times and reminiscing how we're in our late 20s and how life and responsibilities that come with it feels exhausting, how broke we are, with no one securing any tangible jobs, building a savings or even planning finances to build a family.
It feels like sometimes it's difficult to figure out my life.
This year has been really difficult for me, losing my mother, my emergency funds, and a ghastly accident with my brother, so it feels queer to find an atom of happiness even from the people I thought Ioved, so sometimes I just switch off everything and go silent till I crawl back to reality, needs, wants, bills and expectations. On second thought, fun activities away from being productive, meeting up deadlines, or being creative can be good, but there's one thing, some content creators are always refurbished and replenished after taking the weekend off, while some are always left fatigued, empty, uninspired and too tired to even think of making a video, or putting words that could form phrases or sentences at the same time. The latter is me, because of the busy weekend, I've found it difficult to write my usual financial contents.
Compromise and seeking to get back in the game
But how easy is it?
The spark isn't just there. I'm not even pumped up about learning crypto trading. Once again I've let myself get sucked up in my mood, forgetting that these things don't pay the bills, I do. I don't even have that luxury of not wanting to find ways to make money, I only get to patch up myself, and get back to hustling because irrespective of our emotional or health requirements, our money needs seems to be the one that creates a possibility of achievement for the rest of needs we have. Anyways I managed to cook some fringe food, checked the price of Bitcoin, watched TV and contemplated day trading again, since I'm aiming for more money to buy hive.
Interested in some more of my works?
