You appear to be asking sincerely, so I shall tell you my story, a bit, that may enlighten you. literally to lighten you load. to ease your burden. to release your stress. to ease your tension. to calm your nerves. to soothe your soul. to fill you with joy. to feel to closeness of family. to know all are that. to feel that in your bones. to claim that in your soul.

where you focus your attention, is what you will end up seeing. (and going)

I also see a terrible future, planned by those sick with emptiness. to those many have flocked, in false hope of someone else that can save them, for they promise it. those without anything, who have forgot, who have given up, and lost all that they are, offer to save you.

only you can save you, and I found this out when I was tired of living, I couldn't see how to be happy anymore. in that moment that I embraced the idea that if I choose not to live, I choose to do what I want. and if you are already dead, then what is to be ashamed of, or to worry about, or to be concerned with, since you are dead anyway.

nothing matters moving forward. I didn't care if I died.

and I had a motorcycle. I felt it in my soul. i didn't care if i died. fuck it lets Go!

faster and faster I went. until one day, I was flying around a corner... and the pegs my feet are on touch the GROUND ! OMG ! BIKE JUMPED ! LANDED ! AWESOME ! I AM AWESOME

another time I was on a dirt bike. hit a giant rut, the bike went sideways in the air.. I saw my death before me on the ground.. and said NO .. and with a incredible strength I felt the bike flex back underneath me.. I landed.. and then decided I had enough dirt bikes.

i reflect often, and search to understand everything.

i had found that in a closeness to death, I discovered my joy of life.

if i had not 'risked my life' i could not 'enjoy my life'

but I also noticed I was not a risk taker 'per say' but a joy enthusiast who took calculated risks.

i pushed my limits, i know my limits, I exceed my limits.

i am limitless. but I do not jump off a cliff to fly.

i will fly from the ground like other birds.. but I haven't yet but I hear stories of people that can, mostly in the high mountains.

point of all this. I found the God is EVERYTHING that is. It was a very gradual process, at first it was acceptance of the idea that such a thing was possible..

it started with a friend asking me if I believed in God.. i said no .. he just smiled.. and walked away. i remembered that moment many times after it happened.

and when I was at my lowest moment, I offered myself the option to dive into it fully for a while.

what if... there are no accidents

none

and this idea, I lived with, and breathed.... until it was just apart of me

nothing has happened to sway this thought

NOTHING

in fact it has been reinforced at every turn

GOD IS ALL THERE IS

if this is so, then God could be.. is.. speaking to you all the time..

what if we learned to listen? this I did. I began to observe my experience. but also to participate and play little games to see if I could directly communicate with whatever it is that is that makes all this what it is.

i would think... what is the weather going to be like tomorrow? and two people walked into the room chatting about the nice weather expected for tomorrow.

i ultimately found that aligning myself with what I wanted, feeling like i had it then just .. going about my day.. but with my attention on everything and doing what I could in the moment to be helpful .. to the world.. because the world is literally God.. and if you want the world to help you, help them!

and the world appears a mess, but is in perfect divine order

accepting this as truth is the gate to happiness

it is only thru this gate we will peace on earth

because

we all are the ultimate creators in our own experience, we each are IT

up until now we have had leaders and followers, with the leaders setting the tone of reality.. and the followers.. just followering

we weren't very imaginative, because we didn't have time to do anything BUT survive

but Nicola Tesla changed all that, and suddenly man/woman had time to think again

and they did not think of the same future that the 'leaders' wanted

and the leaders became jealous of the real leaders, and Jon Lennon died for reminding the world to (most of the real leaders have been musical because of their ability to cross boundries)

imagine a world without leaders

anyway, in the world light and dark.. unless we arrive in the Golden Era soon (wouldn't that be nice? dwell there in our thoughts as often as we can)

to be able to feel that time

know all is one, remind yourself that none of this matters

at first I said 'nothing matters' because i was ready to be done

now I say 'nothing matters' because I see nothing is done

I read many, many spiritual texts, ALWAYS following my attention, listening to my INTEREST..

i filled my head with GOOD THOUGHTS ...

then it started happening. i would think of those spiritual ideas in response to the grim thought. i would remind myself of reality.

to be scared watching a movie and then you notice you are sitting in your living room

to be happy in any moment, I just be quiet

when I need to feel better, I just listen

be still and know I am God

all paths lead to this

i tell you one of my favorite ideas came from Eckhart Tolle

be like a cat watching a mouse hole with your thoughts... what thought will emerge?

use your attention to watch your mind.. to harness the mind is life's greatest challenge.. and greatest goal

in my opinion

peace be unto you, I hope you enjoyed this and find value in it.

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