Society vs toxic relationships

I believe we are all familiar with the phrase "toxic relationship" and even though some of us have never experienced it, we might have seen or heard about the experiences of people close to us or even of strangers online. Toxic relationships can be very harmful and they usually have negative effects on a person's mental and emotional wellbeing which might take years to recover from.

Toxic relationships can exist in various forms and the mistake a lot of people make when it comes to identifying toxic relationships is that they think it only involves physical abuse. Like, if physical abuse is absent, then it's not a toxic relationship but that's so very wrong. Toxic relationships can be in the form of any unhealthy behavior such as emotional, manipulation, gaslighting, and controlling behavior.

A person can be in a toxic relationship without ever getting beaten by their partner. They might be suffering from emotional abuse or manipulation and sometimes, a combination of all the behaviors I mentioned above (including physical abuse). Sometimes, people can hide all of those other forms of toxicity because it's phycological but it's hard to hide physical abuse and that's why that form is very popular; everyone sees it.

Another mistake some people make is that they believe that only females are the victims of toxic relationships (with them being the weaker sex and all that) but the funny thing is that men also fall victim to it but it's not common because most men rather hide their experiences with toxic women. And it's not just emotional abuse or manipulation, some men also suffer from physical abuse (yeah, shocking).

Happened to a friend

I have heard a series of toxic relationship stories on the internet and I have also witnessed a few toxic events in the real world but this one I will be talking about is a lot more serious because I was indirectly involved. This happened to my friend and also roommate back when I was in 200 level in the university.

My friend (let's just call him Fred) met a girl (Bella; not her real name) at a house party and she somehow ended up spending the night in my room because her house is far and she couldn't go back home. I had to sleep in one of my friend's rooms that night and left Fred and his new lady friend alone in the room. The next morning, I heard they are now in a relationship and my first reaction was; "wow! So fast?".

Anyway, Bella seemed nice and we slowly started becoming friends. She visits from time to time and also spent the night with Fred sometimes. Initially, I didn't see any problem with their relationship but later on, I started noticing something off. Fred always does what Bella wants even if it's something that he doesn't like. He sends her money all the time, buys extravagant things (even things he has never bought for himself before), started changing his lifestyle to suit her taste, and a lot of other things.

The day I realized that my friend wasn't in control of the relationship was when we were leaving for a shopping mall close to the university. After getting dressed, Bella suddenly told Fred that she doesn't like the shirt he was wearing and he should change it. I didn't see anything wrong with the shirt and I also hate it when people tell others what to wear, so I stood up for my friend and said the shirt is fine and ok for just a visit to the mall

But the girlfriend wasn't having any of it and insisted he changed it and my friend reluctantly went ahead to take off the shirt. He finally settled for a shirt which Bella picked and then we went out. The last straw was when she made him change his hairstyle. I actually got into an argument with her that day and accused her of manipulating and controlling my friend but she denied the whole thing and the worst thing was that Fred took her side.

One day, I realized that Bella haven't left my house for days and that was when I started noticing some of her personal belongings; she was slowly moving in 😆. Fred started borrowing money just to keep up with Bella's lifestyle and the whole thing started driving me crazy. I finally had enough one day and told him to tell his girlfriend to go back to her house and he refused! This girl has been staying with us for over 2 weeks and she barely does anything around the house.

Fred was always looking unhappy all the time and he has also lost some weight just 2 months into the relationship. The so-called relationship became worst as time went on and Bella was always abusing Fred, the whole thing felt like I was watching a movie. I kept advising Fred to end the relationship but he refused, he didn't even give me a reason for refusing, he just refused to do so.

I finally reported the whole thing to Fred's elder sister who lived nearby coz I realized the situation is bigger than me. She came to my apartment with fire and brimstone, ready to burn down the whole house. She and Bella almost fought that day and after a really long confrontation, Bella finally left. I was very happy that day and glad that the whole thing was over but after a few days, Bella returned.

I started seeing Bella as one of those viruses that refuse to die and will always come back with more resistance. I actually thought that my friend was probably under a spell coz I just can't understand why he refuse to let the parasitic lady go. I didn't like snitching on my friend to his sister but I just had to let her know that the parasite has returned. She too was very shocked and ended up reporting the whole thing to her mom. Fred's mom came to the university the next day and visited us.

Luckily for us, Bella was around when Fred's mom turned up and after threatening to get her arrested if she is seen around her son, Bella finally backed off. I was very disappointed in my friend for letting things get that far and till today, I still can't understand why he found it hard to get out of that relationship where he wasn't valued or even respected. He put all his energy into it and only got emotional abuse in return.

Conclusion

Toxic relationships can be incredibly damaging and have long-lasting effects on a person's mental and emotional health. The constant criticism, belittling, and gaslighting can lead to a person feeling like they are not good enough or that they are crazy. This can have long-lasting effects on a person's confidence and self-worth, making it difficult for them to assert their own needs and desires.

Thanks for reading

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