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I am strong and I always try to prove it. I've always hated to be associated with weakness and would never accept any position that portrays me as weak. I was always ready to go an extra mile to change such narrative.
I grew up amongst men and Growing up, I was told to be a man, to be strong. These words sunk deeply into my being and I've always lived up to this expectation.
The only time I could ever accept to be weak was when they say "sleep is for the weak". Yes, I loved sleep and if accepting to be weak would make people allow me enjoy my sleep, then I do not mind being called weak.
I really love sleep. Other than music and maybe food, one thing I struggle so hard to resist is sleep. I love sleep so much that I look forward to it and I even cancelled appointments and business offers that would interfer with my sleeping time.
I think I'm good at sleeping and if sleep was a career, I'd probably have pursued it as I am sure I'd do great.
I would never have believed that a day could come when i'd consciously and consistently deny myself of this amazing experience, not in my wildest imagination, but it did happen.
Few years back, I had to choose between temporary pain and permanent regrets. I know everyone would think of it as an easy decision to make, but it was quite hard for me. It was a decision that was going to upset a lot in my life. I had to choose between my sleep and my grades in school.
It was in my 2nd year in college. They had just released the previous year's results and my grades weren't so good. In the previous year which was my first year, I wasn't so serious, I had just come into the town and wanted to explore it, I was really curious and tried to check out every place and event that I could, and as was my culture, I slept too much.
After I saw those results, I had decided to study hard and get good grades but things were now tougher than the previous year. My day was now very much occupied by school work and the workload was now even more. There was no time to study during the day and I couldn't resist sleep at night.
When it was close to exam period, I became really nervous and restless. I feared that I was going to fail. The materials and books I needed to study was so much and I needed enough time to read them up.
The only option I had was to deny myself of sleep and it was almost not like an option because I knew how much my body loves to rest at night. I thought so much about it. The exams were fast approaching and each day I skipped, the work became even bulkier.
At some point, I had to take the decision of denying myself sleep as the nights were the only time I had and It was the only way I could pass the exam.
It was really difficult at first. It was like torture. I nearly ran mad. sometimes I even felt like crying.
I always dozed off while I tried reading. I would go out at intervals to wash my face with water but it wasn't chasing away the sleep as I was always still feeling sleepy.
I tried coffee and other things recommended to me by friends but it didn't seem to work . It only made me dull and cranky in the morning.
Although it was hard, I couldn't just give up. It was either I stayed awake and studied or I slept and failed my exams. Failure wasn't an option for me. A lot was at stake and I couldn't afford to be expelled from the school.
I suffered my body, I fought daily with sleep and little by little I conquered. I couldn't even believe it myself but it happened. I managed to cover 85% of my school work and was almost perfectly ready for the exam.
Nevertheless, I wrote the exam and to my greatest surprise, I did excellently in almost all my courses. I was so happy with myself . I was happy my efforts paid off and the self denial was worth it. That year was my toughest in school but it turned out to be one of my fondest memories
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