We all have been through times when someone hurt us so much that we find it difficult to get past that hurt. Forgiving, talk more, forgetting, is the least we think about in such a situation. And many times, people would easily and so flimsily say, " Just forgive and forget," like it's that simple.
Forgiving and forgetting requires much from us, yet it requires little.
To me, forgiveness can be likened to that state of mind where, although one has not forgotten the damage done to him, yet he decides to part ways with the emotional hurt that comes from it. For certain offenses, depending on the gravity and sometimes on the person who may be involved, forgiveness cones quickly. In other cases, it may be difficult and may take a longer time.
To the forgive and forget dynamics, i think that there are different concepts. By that saying, I think that there's a misconception of what forgiveness is and what it means to forget. Though hand in hand, they have their own proper placement.
To forgive simply means to stop being angry or vengeful toward another person.
Forgiveness is about releasing the emotions within you, whether they be anger, hurt, or betrayal.
It means to deal with those pent-up emotions in order to gain control back into your life.
To forget simply means to cease to recall or to not remember. And how is that possible since humans have minds and memories for a reason? I do think that forgiving is possible, but forgetting seems a bit far off. This does not mean that the wronged would go around wearing a long face and a heavy heart but that he could forgive yet, the memories of the events/wrong done lurks somewhere at the back of his mind.
It is possible to forgive without letting go of the lessons learned. Once you work through your emotions, the discomfort that caused the pain eases
With time being one of the greatest healers, the pain will fade. It won't be raw. One can detach from the pain. But still remember the lesson.
Forgiving and forgetting are two completely different concepts and can be mutually exclusive of each other. Forgiving whether you let the offender know or not is mostly beneficial to the forgiver, regardless of how much it is appreciated by the wrongdoer. When you do come to the determination that forgiving is in your best interest, you will find that from that moment forward, you will no longer be dwelling on the subject as much. That is because you're no longer stewing or angered over the offense.
You will also find that even if the offense still hurts, it's not going to be as painful. I'm not a person who likes to hold a grudge - it's not in my character nor in line with my practice. Stuff happens, I forgive(hard as it may be), pick the lessons, and forge ahead. I have come to realize that when I forgive, I feel more disappointed than shock/betrayal. I get a newer perspective to things, too. I may not forget the events, but my mind doesn't play them often. In a way, this could be me actually forgetting even though the memories are at my liberty to recall. It's very important that people learn to forgive and move past the situations with positive energy, but I don't well agree that they have to forget.
I hope that this was interesting to read.
Thanks for coming around.