The Complexities of Caring for Aging Parents

Bing AI

Welcome, dear readers of Hive and this community. I hope you enjoy the content of my blog.

Today, I come to talk to you about the proposed topic, which is retirement homes or staying with family.

This is a topic that invites us to explore the question: when people are older and already elderly, should they stay with their family or be in a retirement home?.

Each family's dynamics are different, and the most logical thing is that if we find ourselves with a completely functional family, where there is love and unity, and where these elderly people have dedicated themselves to giving good teachings to their grandchildren and children, then most likely their children and grandchildren will always want to have them close.

I have seen many examples and will perhaps name one or two later in this post, which are the model of what it means to be a good father or mother, and that is very important.

In my case, I can talk about how much my mother's departure hurt me.

My mother fell ill with senile dementia, and I had to take care of her for two years at my home. Later, due to work obligations, because I could not dedicate myself to caring for her and giving her all the attention that an elderly person requires, such as bathing, walking, feeding, and all that, and at the same time, take care of working and earning the livelihood for myself and for her.

But my case is different because I am an only child, and so, even in that condition of being an only child, I sacrificed all my life's savings to be able to take care of her for two consecutive years and for her to be calm at my home.

Indeed, the love for my mother was so great, so great, that even before she felt that she was nearing the end of her days, she asked me to bring her back home, and the last days she was alive, she spent them here with me at my home because that was the wish she asked for, and I granted it.

With my father, the story was different because it was a story full of domestic violence.

He hurt my mom and me for many years, and yet, despite everything he did, he filed a complaint with the police because things happened that he did not understand. For his safety, he was already in a very old condition, and he intended to go down the stairs of the building where we live, and there are 13 floors that he had to go up and down because there was no elevator service.

He was an elderly person, 78 years old, who walked with a cane, and I could not allow him to go up and down the stairs because it was not logical. He should stay here at home and live here until they fixed the elevator so that he could go out.

The thing is, as I scolded him and told him that I would not allow him to go out and go down the stairs because it was dangerous, I was really afraid that something would happen to him on the stairs, and then the problem would be worse because he would have to be hospitalized in a clinic.

So, because of that, he filed a complaint against me and a legal process and all that, and in the end, the government, after doing investigations and assessments and all that, decided that the most prudent thing was to put him in a retirement home, and I didn't want that either.

Despite all the harm he caused me for many years, (the harm was not physical but mostly psychological), which I still have traumas from those days.

Bing AI

I did not want that for him.

I wanted him to continue living independently, of course, with me supervising what he did, but always being independent, going out, buying his things, and talking to people as he had been doing. He had been doing it until this incident happened, and the government ordered that he had to be there. They forced both him and me to comply with that.

The social worker decided that.

The other story I wanted to tell you is the story of my neighbor who is no longer here. She has a son who is around my age.

When Jorge left here, he was around 50 years old, but he is a boy with a special condition of autism or Down syndrome or something similar. She was an 82-year-old lady who took care of him.

She was everything to that boy.

Two years ago, we had a fire in the building, and it was a traumatic situation for her because she didn't want to leave the apartment.

I had to take her out of the apartment because she was terrified.

If she had stayed in the apartment with her son, they would have died. I helped her leave the apartment and accompanied her as far as I could, as far as the smoke from the fire allowed me, because remember, we had to go down 13 floors to save her life.

What happened is that after this fire trauma, she was left with this psychological mark in her mind, trembling when they returned two months later to live here again.

This apartment made her tremble with fear because she couldn't step into the apartment again because she remembered everything from the fire.

The situation she lived through was re-stimulated with screams, crying, and smoke because it was a fire of enormous magnitude, and almost all of us in the building died.

The building caught fire severely, a fire of great magnitude.

We managed to get through that, and the decision of the relatives was to put her in a retirement home when she could very well stay here, continue living here, or live with her sister, who was older than her.

They could take care of each other and take care of Jorge.

Bing AI

The son, who I spoke to, a man my age, also decided, the other son, the nephew, sorry, who is healthy, decided to put her in a retirement home.

I remember my dear Carmen, that’s her name, my neighbor, had asked me not to let that happen, and I promised her that I wouldn't allow it. But what can I do if the ones who decide in these situations are the relatives? I couldn't do anything, no matter how much I told the relative not to put her in a nursing home and let her continue her life.

They told me, and rightly so, that I had no right to interfere because that was their decision.

Unfortunately, Carmen is in an institution now. I don’t know how she is, I hope she is very well, and the boy is also in an institution for people with that problem.

The boy didn't want to be there either. The boy cared a lot about me because I talked to him and treated him. He liked listening to music, and he would play the CDs he liked by Pedro Infante, rancheras, and all that.

This is the conclusion I want to leave you with: it's very important to give space to elderly people and let them decide with whom they want to live at the end of their days, whether they want to be in a retirement home or with their family.

I think the most logical thing is that if they have been kind and loving people with their children, the children will want them to be with them at the end of their lives.

They won't be a burden; they will be loved.

I say this because of the difficult relationship I maintained and had with my father, which still leaves me with resentment for everything he did.

It's very hard to overcome, and that's why many sons and daughters today make the difficult decision to put their parents in a retirement home.

So, those of you reading this post who are young, be aware and treat your family members with love and kindness because one day you will also be old and think like this 57-year-old man, who in 20 years or less will reach the final stage or the eclipse of life.

I don’t know who will take care of me because I have no family, no children, no partner.

So, think a little about this so that your family knows they will have someone to take care of them at the end of their life and that they won’t be worried like I am because I don’t know what my destiny will be, and it’s probably my destiny to die alone, lying here in bed when I can no longer take care of myself because I don’t have the money to put myself in an institution, nor do I have any family member who wants to take care of me, or a wife or children who want to take care of me because I’m not married, and I have no children.

So, it’s a delicate issue and a topic for thought. I hope these ideas make you reflect on the interesting topic of today.