Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Many we have made, groomed, and in the end, lost for one reason or another. Sometimes, the connection can seem inseparable, but just one little misunderstanding can bring everything to a halt. This is based on my experience with my friend, Anne. Anne was my friend, and she was looking for an apartment. Since there was an empty apartment in the building where I stayed, she suggested moving in, which worked out.
Anne and I started living in the same compound, and we bonded more, spending more time together. On the very first day, she began her habit of borrowing. She asked to borrow my gas to make her custard, which I lent her, and she did. The next day, I assumed her items were still in her old apartment, and I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable since she had just moved in.
Weeks turned into months, and she never stopped borrowing my cooking utensils, especially my gas. She had a pot and other utensils but no cylinder. I didn’t mind at first because I felt I was assisting a friend in need, thinking she would eventually bring hers. She would borrow a frying pan to toast bread, again using my gas, oil, and other things without even asking. It was only when I asked her about it that she would tell me what she had used.
Whenever I tried to encourage her to get her own cylinder, she would jokingly dismiss the idea. It became a daily occurrence, and one I didn’t see stopping as long as she stayed in the same compound. The worst part was the attitude she would show whenever she noticed my expression wasn’t welcoming when she asked to borrow the gas. She would still use it but end up giving me the cold shoulder afterward. It felt like I was begging for her attention, which made the situation worse when I finally got fed up and decided to address it.
I had a straightforward conversation with her, making it clear that she either needed to contribute to the gas or get her own cooking utensils. She misunderstood my point and started showing attitude and giving me the cold shoulder. She stopped coming to my room, and whenever we crossed paths, she would tighten her face in a scowl.
One friendship turned into something opposite. We eventually made up because I was forcing things to work, which she noticed, and she started associating with me again. However, she tried to use that as an opportunity to take advantage of me again.
One evening, she came over with spaghetti, her pots, and ingredients, without contributing a dime for the gas refill. After she asked if she could use the gas, I refused and reiterated what I had said the last time. While I was still trying to explain, I told her it was unfair for me to bear the burden of filling the gas while she used it every day without contributing. She reacted angrily and walked out on me. Behind my back, she painted me as selfish without telling others the root of the matter. From that day, she created distance, and I was tired of always making an effort to see things work between us.
She had taken advantage of my initial silence and thought that my attempts to make peace meant I was desperate to be friends with her. She didn’t realize I wanted a friendship built on mutual understanding and support from both sides. She didn’t support me in any way but wanted to exploit my kindness.
She was surprised when I stopped showing concern or making an effort to talk to her. She was the type of person who didn’t care about others but ready to make you feel at fault and expect you to please her. My peace of mind was important to me, and the only way to regain my sanity and feel better was to distance myself.
All I wanted was for her to understand things, but she didn’t, and she was prepared for whatever. She refused to accept that she was wrong and make amends. I was no longer comfortable in that environment, so I decided to find a new apartment, get my balance from the landlord, and inform all the neighbors, including Anne, that I was relocating.
I learned from the whole experience that if I had set boundaries from the very beginning, perhaps things wouldn’t have gone wrong like they did. But for my sanity and peace of mind, I needed to cut ties and change my environment.