Growing up, I listened to a lot of rap songs. Despite the lack of social media and FM radio stations, some of the AM stations accessible back then do play a lot of American songs. That was when I realized I had a keen interest in rap songs, especially the hardcore, wild-eyed, cuss words-heavy, adrenaline pumping type.
All through my high school years I carried my passion for rap with me till I met dudes of like passion in my senior high school years. We'd sat to rhyme together and then, on one hot afternoon, my peeps and I were busy listening to The Game's Hate It or Love It when we decided to test our skills.
We paired up and started a battle rap contest amongst ourselves. It was fun, it was brutal and entertaining. I lost out again and again to my opponents because I'm not the most eloquent of speakers, I never was. That was the first time I actually tried to rap. And that was when I concluded I wasn't really cut out for the rap stuff.
Despite my clear deficiency, my love for rap grew. Good thing was I know I'm not cut out for rapping, so I learn to write raps. And as social media took over, it became easy to remain faceless and still strut my stuff. With that, I continued battle rap with my friends on Facebook with just write-ups - no voice or sound needed.
This character of mine made me an online hellraiser. As quiet as I was in real life, I can be quite noisy online; and God help anyone who crosses my path on the online space back then. My immature self was always ready to dish out a long line of diss and cuss-words. Yes, I was that troublesome, till I met a formidable online troublemaker like myself.
While in university, my introverted nature was in full swing. I had a few friends and they were my high school pals that we later met in the same university. As for making new friends, I struggled. I was able to make friends with some guys, but I never really met a lady that I could respect enough to make friends with. Crazy, right?
Now, if you listen to hardcore rap very well you will know how disrespected the female gender is by those songs. I grew up listening to those songs where women were referred to as "bitches with no loyalty" and that became a huge part of me. Throughout my high school and university days, I had no single female friend nor a girlfriend! It was that bad.
In my department, I grew the reputation as that one guy a lady does not want to mess up with. The influence of the multitude of rap songs I had listened to was so strong it was playing tricks on me. Despite not saying much, I was exhibiting the crude behavior of a "nigger", a thug. Then, I'd rather eat shit than greet a lady. I was a nuisance.
I lived that way, so engrossed in my attitude till a lady shattered me into pieces. Then, we were on the mandatory six months Industrial Training exercise so we weren't in school. To keep tabs with each other, the class rep created a group for the class on the popular Facebook. That was when it all took off.
In no time, I took over the Facebook group due to my bold online persona. I was contributing on all group topics, but my abrasive attitude towards women was still very much obvious. That put some ladies off the group and I never cared until a lady launched a scathing attack at me. It was a brutal dig.
When I saw it, I was very angry. I sat down for a whole one hour writing, cancelling and rewriting a page length of cuss-words and disses meant for this bold lady. I was going to end her online career! Even dudes in the group were already 'crying' for her because they knew I was coming for her.
As soon as I finished with the masterpiece of cuss-words, I typed it in anger. But for some unfathomable reason, I couldn't post it. I choked. And that was the turning point.
In a sober mood, I deleted all I've typed, switched off my phone and started screaming in my head, "Dude, what the hell are you doing? What the hell have you been doing?!" I went to bed immediately. When I woke up, I apologized to this lady and all the other ladies who had been on the wrong end of my ire. She also apologized for calling me out in public.
That was the first time I realized what I had always wanted: peace. I've grown tired and weary of fighting the hateful battle no one plunged me into. I've needed someone, a lady, to take me down a long time ago. She did. She saved me. And we became friends instantly. About three months later, I had my first girlfriend. The battle was over.
Till today, we still remain as very good friends over a decade after the life changing incident. I've also met, made friends with and dated other amazing women along the line. I've enjoyed a life of peace ever since.
NB: Songs are wonderful, but they can also be controlling. Always be mindful of the songs you listen to. A lot of guys out there are into gang affiliated shits because of the songs they listened to. Watch out!
