Slim bullet, you look tiny, do you even eat? How come you don't look your age? Why do you keep getting lean?
There was almost nothing I didn't hear regarding my body looks, it became clear to me then that I had to work on my body to add some weight and that was how I led myself into Obsession over my body weight. I became so hardworking in making it happen sooner than later.
Image designed here
Because of my quest to add weight, I stop taking pictures after the last one I took before I started the tips I was given to add weight. Taking pictures wouldn't let me see the difference before I get any compliments on it so I stayed off the camera and began to work on my body weight for an increase. While I was given a lot of options to increase my weight including the unhealthy and no go areas own, I decided to stick to only one which was suggested by my mum.
Before I started taking the mixture, I took a picture to keep and refer back to for possible differences but I couldn't find that exact picture, this is another picture closest to it so yeah, I was looking exactly this way before I started the weight gain procedure.
The slim bullet, tiny girl
I was so sure that things would change after the process and I had so many plans on how to change my wardrobe when that happens 🤣 it was a time of so much excitement and feeling positive when I was busy with the process for my weight gain.
This tip was not only effective according to her as she had read and researched about it, I loved it because it had all the ingredients I'll always love to take so there was no skipping and I thought that was it, I'll add more weight so long I continued with the tip. I began to prepare and take this mixture everyday, morning and night 👇
Banana, peanut butter and Hollandia evap milk
At the time when I began to spend on this, they were not so cheap and I was on monthly allowance but somehow I always found a way to have the money for these things. I would buy them in bulk aside the banana which I preferred buying fresh ones daily, I would spend on them even if there was no money for main food or to buy other things for myself... This was all because I was on a mission to increase my weight and look more fatter 🥲
So I mistakenly took this picture one day in class while I was still taking the mixture and I allowed the picture deceive myself that I was adding up because my face looked fuller (or doesn't it?). I felt happy that my resolve was working so I kept at it without taking more pictures.
I never missed a day in three months, I am yet to bring myself to calculate how much in total I spent in buying those ingredients for my weight gain. Sometimes I'll go without food but take this mixture as my main food and I'll feel full, it continued for three months and a little more before I decided to take a picture for comparison.
It was close to my birthday so I didn't take or upload my picture anywhere until I did a few photoshoots for my birthday celebration. I saw this picture, compared both and I was like "Did I work on my body weight or my skin colour?" I mean, I was a little darker before I started the mixture but I got lighter after and I began to question the effect of the mixture I took so seriously. I didn't even add weight on a scale when I checked 😂
It didn't work for what I wanted it to, I couldn't cry and I never got any compliment that was close to what I wanted to hear when I uploaded a picture after a long time... I was beaten out of my obsession to gain weight 🥲
I stopped forcing the fat to come, I continued bearing with the "slim bullet, tiny girl" statements I get from my friends until I hear some of them say they envy my body stature 😱 and it hit me to realization that I really did waste my time on what wasn't worth it as I had a great body stature for the person that I am.
I even laughed at myself when I imagined "Merit as a fat girl" and when I remember my mum saying I shouldn't call her mum if I get fat 🤣 I resolved to keep my body the way it is, no efforts to look fatter and no efforts to go leaner... I'll just eat when I want to, sleep when I want to and continue to pursue my peace of mind.
That is my Now, still looking like I was in the first picture (about 6 years ago) tell me what else can someone like me do to gain weight aside waiting for nature to take it's course on me 😂 That was how I killed that useless body obsession in me and realize that I'm perfectly created until nature decides another phase for me. I hear that I could add up when I get married and have my kids, until then, I don't believe I will get fat at all.
No need to get my hopes up 😒 I like me the way I am now and I'm sure I'll look even better when I have money and more peace of mind in the future.
All images in this post are mine
