As parents, It's very important to strike a balance and draw a line when it comes to taking care of your kids. In everything we do, if we don't strike a balance, we end up suffocating ourselves and not being able to handle anything properly. The same thing applies to parenting, when you're too controlling, the kids may feel suffocated and tired making them to rebel against you as a parent, and for some kids, they lose confidence in themselves because they feel you don't believe in them.
Now the funny thing is that when you feel you're suffocating them too much and want to give them a lot of space and freedom, they might end up going the wrong path.
When you give them too much space because you feel suffocating them isn't the right thing to do,they feel distant and can't confide in you and sometimes they also end up making the wrong decisions. It's not so hard to create a loving and "you can tell me everything and I won't overreact. I'm your friend and I can help you solve it." And also "Were friends but I'm still your parent, and if you break the rules, you'll have to face it" Kind of relationship with your kids.
As a parent, being to overprotective isn't as good as we think, sometimes when your child falls on the ground, you leave them there to try and stand on their own. Just stand by the side and cheer them on instead of running every single time to pick the child up.
Hmm they're so many scenarios and sometimes I blame these parents because when they're not around, these kids are practically useless and can't do anything. I've seen parents follow their kids to the bank , school and you name it just to solve a simple issue. It's totally understandable if it's a child with special needs.
My parents had a very open relationship with us and they built in that confidence in us. My dad would ask me to pay I and my younger sister's school fees and other payments at the beginning of every term. My school was like a 30min walk from my house, but my dad would give me money worth over 150,000 to go and deposit for the term. I was less than 10yrs old and my parents trusted me, they believe I could do it and I didn't let them down. I would hug my school bag and act cool like there was nothing inside my bag until I got to school and would pay the fee.
After they gave me the receipt, I would take it back home to my dad. The truth is that my dad gave me that freedom , and allowed me to do things by myself, automatically, I didn't want to let my dad down so I tried my best to make sure I did everything right.
How do you strike a balance as a parent without overstepping your boundaries and theirs?
1. Set clear boundaries:
They're your kids, don't allow these kids to set boundaries for you,because when there's no boundaries, there's no respect. Same thing applies to when there's no expectations and consequences. When they go out late, make sure there's consequences. When they break the rules, let them know and also make sure they face the consequences. But after all this , still call them and talk to them after all friends have arguments and reconcile lol.
2. Encourage them to do things on their own. You don't always have to follow them everywhere they go and solve every issue for them. Let them think critically. I'm not saying you should let them fly to another country in a heartbeat, the more they prove they can handle things, the more independence they need.
3. Listen to your kids: Don't act too busy all the time, listen to their thoughts, opinions to understand what the child really needs and their perspective in life. Every child is different. If you have 4 kids, then you have to listen to all four of them to understand what each child needs.
4. Show your kids what it means to take risks, make mistakes, and also even after a fall show them how you rise. Nobody is perfect and showing only the perfect things to them blurs out the harsh reality of life.
In a nutshell ,growth is constant, and we change everyday, make sure you keep up to date with your child's behavior. You can't treat a toddler and a teenager the same way. Setting clear boundaries is the first step in parenting, and then secondly, make sure there's always room for an open communication. make them feel like they can talk to you about anything . Because when there's no trust, they might find comfort in others and that person might be a bad influence on them, we all know how brutal and evil this world is.
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