Help Isn’t Abuse When It’s Genuine

One of the things life has taught me over the years is that no one truly survives alone; in other words, we need each other to survive.

However, it's not always easy for me to ask for help unless I'm in a case where I have tried different means to survive the situation without success; instead of dying in silence, I will rather open up and solicit assistance and without using my situation to take advantage of anyone simply because I know the friend or the family member is kind and rich enough to extend a helping hand.

Genuine support in fragile moments.png

I affirm this statement because most of us abuse things. Some people, even when they don't genuinely need help, go about using their circumstances to take advantage of one kind person, but one thing I have come to realize is that if one develops such an asking mentality, he or she won't go far in life because all his thoughts will become shallow; he will never think deep, nor be creative or stretch himself to source his own way to pull through certain situations all by himself.

Having said that, I know there could be a point in our lives that we really need others to survive, and it's not a problem to ask for help at that point, I must say. It could be heavy in my mouth, but what if I die by hiding my situation and not speaking up?

I remember the time I had surgery while birthing my child. My husband lost his job when I was still a few months pregnant. We relocated newly to another area then, and I was out of a job then due to distance. I also had complications in pregnancy, and the doctor said I will remain on bed rest until the day I give birth. What a double complication it was back then. All sources of our income were shut down, plus other challenges my husband was facing at the same time.

At one point, we couldn't afford the transport fee for antenatal care. Who also dashes me money to buy fruits like a pregnant woman I am? It was tough. I wasn't feeding healthy enough, but my hubby and I kept acting strong, hoping to pull out of the situation. We didn't tell anyone, not even family members. We kept pushing until my surgery date was just two weeks to come; still no sign of money anywhere.

I was so depressed, sad, with high BP, and more. One day, a friend called me and said, "Nkem, how are you?" Have you given birth? It's been a while, and I decided to hear from you. Wow, I was speechless; I didn't know when I burst into tears instead of responding to her questions. She was curious to know why I was crying and pressured me to open up to her, and I did.

She screamed at hearing all I have been through and our plan to call the gynecologist to postpone the surgery for an additional week. My friend said no, I will have my surgery as planned. Immediately she sent me half of the surgery fee and put a call across to other of our friends, telling them what I am going through. Before I could say a word, calls were coming in from my friends asking for my account details.

These nice souls raised two times the surgery fee I needed, and I felt loved. My husband couldn't believe it; it was like a movie, but it was reality. That's why I said that we need each other to survive, especially in certain situations we can't help ourselves in. As long as it's genuine, why not? I had my surgery successfully, and I couldn't stop appreciating all that assisted me then.

The only pitfalls I see in asking for help are that some people might use it to mock you thereafter, but personally, I know the kind of people I reach out to whenever I genuinely need assistance. I can also receive "no" as a response, but it's fine; it's better to be disappointed than die without speaking up, but most importantly, I have it at the back of my mind that not everyone must come through for me.

Personally, I wait until things get really hard before reaching out for help when I genuinely need it, but I've come to understand that sometimes, strength is simply in saying, "I need help.".

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