There is an adage that says "He who suffers does not forget", yes it's true because pain has the tendency to leave a big scar in the heart of a person, such scars sometimes heal and sometimes they do not heal but eventually become bitterness, anger or even revenge. It is one of the most tragic realities of life when someone who is hurt subconsciously or even consciously hurt others, it is like a fire which initially begins with a small flame but eventually increases unless someone puts it out.
Just like a child who is raised in a family where his father constantly hits his mother, he watches this on a daily basis and it instills fear in him. When he grows to be a man, he might make a vow never to mistreat his wife not to talk of beating her but it's very possible for him to repeat the same behaviour of his father because it is a behaviour he had been used to since childhood and the pain that he had observed turns into the template of his life.
Sometimes the reason some people behave badly is because they have been hurt by someone else at some point in life but that shouldn't be an excuse for bad behaviour. A thief who stole because he is hungry doesn't mean he isn't a thief even most times he could have already been beaten half dead before they realised it was just a cup of garri he stole. However, we can demonstrate understanding to them but cannot entirely eliminate accountability otherwise the circle of pain will be never end.
When someone hurts me due to the pain that they are carrying I would attempt to hear them out but I would also demand that they own up because repentance has to accompany forgiveness. However, when we continue to cause harm to others and use the excuse of our past to do so, then forgiveness becomes challenging.
In my own opinion, the only one way to break the cycle of pain is through healing. Healing is not automatic, it happens when the person acknowledge that he is the one bearing a trauma and consciously tries not to transfer it on another person.
Most individuals would not discuss trauma, they would tell us to forget it, get on or a real man does not cry but I have come to realise that silence doesn't heal wounds, it only covers them and wounds that are buried have a way of coming back again as an expression of anger or bitterness. That is why counseling, open talks and even prayers is required.
The circle of pain is a fact of life because victim today can be the victimizer tomorrow bleeding on other people, even though they are going through pain that isn't enough to justify their actions. People should be held responsible for their actions, this is not to accuse them but to make them realize that something should change. Transmission of trauma is similar to the contribution of a heavy load that no one would be willing to carry. The positive thing is that this cycle can be broken by means of healing and forgiveness. As long as we are human and the society decide to confront our wounds but we should not be subjected to them so that the chain of pain can eventually be broken by the flow of healing, love and hope.
Thank you so much for staying this far, hope you had a good read with me, see you again next time 😁
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