The guilt associated with attempting to let go of family is a very hard one. It's possible for you to block your friend on WhatsApp and go to bed without problems that night, but if you ever try to explain to your mother that you are establishing boundaries with her, I'm very sure that by morning you will be starving and praying to be forgiven.
In my culture, family is not just family, it is fate, duty full time employment and life time contract, all in one. It is easy to stop being friends with someone or some set of people, when they begin to act weird you can just delete their number and go.
However, what about it when it is your family that pulls you back?. I would start my story with the day I decided to follow my dreams. I was tired of sitting in the living room with my mother, preparing meals and watching Africa Magic Yoruba.
So I informed her that I would like to relocate to Lagos and be a full-time writer. My mother shouted “Write what?, you studied Accounting and you are telling me you want to go and write", she looked at me as though something was wrong with me and continued "So what happens to all the money I invested in your education?, you want to go and write free stories, which people will read online?" but when she noticed that I was adamant, she let me go.
However since then, all phone calls have been inspirational preaching, not the inspiring kind, but the Nigerian parental preaching just like a TED talk sprinkled with a threat. "My child" my mother would stay "You are doing well but have you considered doing your masters or maybe you should join the civil service? because writing cannot feed you".
At times they behave as though, you are doing a very bad thing by staying away from them but truthfully, at times what is delaying your progress are your roots. The Nigerian families are such tight laced lovers to an extent that you cannot even breathe. They wish you well but only as far as the process appear precise, like what they envisaged when you were ten years old. I informed my brother when I began to earn little by writing on a freelance basis and he stared at me and said “Are they paying you real money or it's a scam?".
It was that day that I knew that there are people who will never see your vision not that they despise you but are still using the lens of the 1980s. However, here is the bitter truth, letting go does not necessarily mean that you will cease relating with people. It is a time of building space between your dreams and their fears. It entails learning to say "I love you but I will do it my way". Now I no longer inform my mother about all my plans, whenever she calls, I will say "Mummy everything is okay", even when I am having garri and groundnut as my dinner because when she hears that I am struggling, she will call the entire family to a prayer meeting and before I can breathe, one of my uncles in the village will call and tell me "I told you this writing business will never work".
So, if your family is the one drawing you back, you don’t have to fight them or ghost them, just quietly build your life, loving them from a healthy distance and let your success explain the rest.
In the end, letting go is not rejection but redirection. It is learning to stretch your wings even when the nest doesn’t believe you can fly and when you finally fly, your family will be the first to shout “That is our child". Funny how life works that the same people who once held you down might end up cheering up the loudest when you finally break free.
Thank you so much for staying this far, hope you had a good read with me, see you again next time 🤗
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