Time is a great teacher and it is so true. It keeps on teaching you through your natural life experiences but one should be a good student to learn from mistakes and get better day by day. I, in my childhood, being so aggressive and angry kid had so many fights in school with friends, with cousins and with strangers. So, I have learnt a lot from it and glad that I changed myself a lot too.
Being myself as victim and involve in such situations many times, makes me think too much. I was able to recreate the situation and think of both the sides. It is true that I am not always on the right side, it came out just because I have guts to accept my mistake. Unnecessary poking and teasing, not using appropriate tone with strangers, shouting and screaming in frustration, these were few mistakes I identified in myself and tried to improve it.
Fights in traffic are common in Karachi and I always go ahead to resolve the matter in order to avoid further delays in traffic. No one accept his/her mistake and everyone is in so much hurry that no one cares. I always say sorry on the both sides to just finish it up and move on except for the ones where the case looks more serious and police involvement is mandatory. It is useless to tell the one who did mistake as he won’t agree and will start fighting with you as well so it is better not to argue with strangers.
I have many friends from my previous job. To them, I am always a neutral guy who tells the truth even if it is something about my friend or for myself. They never questioned my judgments. At work, I have seen so many fights but always tried to maintain discipline and being a facilitator. I remember once, two of my colleagues gets into an argument and slowly it turns into a fight. I and my other teammates tried to control the situation but they both went out of control. I hurriedly took one of them in other room and tried to calm him down first, gave him a glass of water. Advised him better to stay quiet or whatever you say, will be counted against you. I gave him a big lecture on it and asked for the whole scenario. I asked other guy who is a close friend of mine to come and join us in the same room. I asked both of them one by one to tell the story. It was about borrowing money from my friend and now, after deadline, he was unable to return and asking for a little more time. When my friend pushed hard for it then he refused to pay at all and said do you have any evidence that you lend me money. Due to this, they started fighting. It is all about understanding the situation. I told my friend that he is right, you don’t have any evidence plus he was not the first to start fight, he just asked for a little more time. You lend him money because he was needy but what is the purpose of that help if you fighting over it. It was my friend’s fault and I made him realized for it and on the other hand, I advised other colleague that it is better to return his money ASAP or you will be black listed if every other guy in office knows about this incident and in case, you need money in any genuine case as well, no one will ever try to help you in that situation. It all got sorted out and later, the other guy became my friend too who always respect me a lot and calls me a peacemaker.
I have recently mediated in a fight between a couple, my friend and his wife. In fact, both of them are my friends. Sometimes, it is better to say the truth and right thing to the friends for their happy life. He was unnecessarily insulting his wife and commenting on her character and always sharing lame excuses for such actions. I then called his wife, my ex colleague, to get the insider. She was crying and said, he is changing a lot nowadays. Then, I asked my friend to have a cup of tea in café. We had a detailed discussion on it and finally, I convinced him that due to workload or overburden in office, he was unable to give proper time to his family plus that irritation is causing problem for him and for his wife as well. We should always draw a line between professional and personal life, none should effect each other. This helps him to realize his mistakes and he gets over it wonderfully. It is always about discussing things and finding a way out, nothing is impossible.