The care that matters.

There was a grandma who lived behind my mom’s shop many years ago. Her apartment was a small one that was jampacked with a lot of items that needed to be decluttered, but there was no one who would help with that because this grandma was busy trying to earn a living.

I got attracted to her one day when she was returning from the farm. She had a heavy pack of wood on her head, and she was leaping, almost practically walking on one leg. I was angry and sad at the same time because why would an old woman be made to go through that?

On that day, I followed her home, relieving her of some of the logs on her head and hands, then I realized that she lived very close to my mom’s shop.

My mom used to sell food items, so sometimes, I would take a little to this grandma and tell her to manage. I tried to be the granddaughter that she never had.

The first time I visited her with my little gifts, she teared up cos she was just thinking of what to eat when I appeared. The logs of wood she went to the farm for were for survival, she sold them for money, and sometimes, exchanged them for other food items.

I made my visit more frequently so that she wouldn’t be lonely. At some point, I realized that the leg that was paining her was like a dislocated bone in her thighs that she wrapped with a dirty clothing because she couldn’t afford to go to the hospital. I didn’t have money too, so all I did was help her apply the ointments and herbs that she used at the time.

One day, I asked of her kids, but it was late in the evening. So, she said she would tell me the next time I was there.

I couldn’t wait long to hear her story, so I made sure to go back there for the details the next day. That was when I learnt that she indeed had kids. The kids were not doing badly at all, and all of them were in Lagos. Some were married, and others weren’t. I couldn’t ask many questions because I didn’t want her to cry, so I held back. But I think she realized I was curious as to why her children would abandon her like that and lived like they had no parents.

Then, she said, her kids didn’t abandon her that she was the one that rejected their offer of taking her Lagos. She had visited them once, and she didn’t like that everyone would go out, and leave her at home, even her grandkids wouldn’t be at home with her, so she opted to return to the village.

I asked why they didn’t try to at least hire a help for her since they had the luxury of caring for her in Lagos, but she had no answer.

Old age, is like a childhood stage when humans need the optimum care they can get, be it provided by a professional, or by the family. As long as it is certain that your old people will not suffer or be lonely, then opting for the best option for them is what should be the priority.

For the grandma I talked about here, it would’ve been better if she was taken to a retirement home where caring for her will be 24/7 and at 100% since her children could afford to. She would’ve gotten her dislocated joints properly tended to, and it would’ve healed well. She wouldn’t have needed to try to earn a living in a painful way, and she wouldn’t have been lonely through her remaining years on earth.