I have had awesome friends
But the emphasis should be on the word HAD
I can't say that in my life I have had a lot of friends. I tend to make friends for the long term not short term and I keep them as valuable treasures. The reason of course is that I've found that good friends are more valuable than money. However, I've also learned that friends, not matter how awesome they are, tend to come and go.
Now here is another little tidbit. In my entire life I've never lost a friend because of an argument. Of course we have disagreed on things. Of course things have gone wrong. Indeed one good friend of mine, Burak, had viewpoints totally opposite of mine on virtually everything. It was kind of funny when we had discussions. He'd have a point and I'd shake my head, give a totally different counter argument and we would both support our viewpoint. In the end though, we valued the other person's opinion and their right to disagree. However, that disagreement didn't mean we valued the person less.
Mutual Respect goes a very long way.
A disagreement and a split
Now I should say that I don't use the term "friend" lightly. I have had acquaintances where a disagreement has caused things to go sour.
As an example there was someone I cordially chatted with on numerous occasions about the possibility of working together on a project. Money was exchanged, promises made, and smiles over the possible outcome. Guess what? After money was paid work didn't get done. Then later on a request for more money and the inevitable excuses. Second time a smaller amount of money and a caveat.... No more money without doing the work. Fast forward a little while further an guess what? Another request for money and the work isn't done.
Was I upset? No. Not really. I'm certain they had their reasons why they couldn't get the work done. Could it be fraud? Maybe. I just prefer to think that life made it impossible for them to do what they said they would. Did I give more money? No. I said I wouldn't give more unless there was work done, no work done so I kept my word. They got upset and vowed never to talk to me again. In my eyes? I said I would not and I did not. I was up front and held to my word. If they can't deal with that then that is their problem.
There are a few things I do when I deal with friends (or even acquaintances). I don't lend money with the thought I will be paid back. I speak as honestly as I can. I try to be as supportive as I can. Doing those things make my life easier. I never have hard feelings over money that isn't repaid. If I can't afford to lose the money I don't lend. If I never tell a lie I don't have to worry about being caught in one.
In that way disagreements causing rifts in friendship? True friendship? I'm lucky it hasn't happened to me.
>But even my best friends fall away over time
The far bigger issue with friends is life and location.
If I look back at my best friends in University? Mike, Cam, and Jason. Jason died...that was very sad. Cam and Mike are still friends but I see them rarely. Why? I moved away after University. When I was 1000km away we didn't see each other as often. We didn't have shared experiences, shared activities or shared interests any more. Without those similarities we just weren't as close anymore.
In the place I moved to? I had great friends Matt and Nick. So many shared memories and great times together. We were inseparable. Well, until I got married, moved away to make money for the family. Nick moved away also and Matt..he moved to Japan. If I see them again I will absolutely treat them as friends but after 20 years and half a world away they are no longer BFF's.
BFF....Best Friend Forever....
..... it is a great idea but the problem is the forever part. People die. People get married. People move away. People's priorities change. Without shared interests, shared time, and even shared location people grow apart. It's just life.
Guard your friendships
Friends are important.
..... Life without friends is a very lonely place to be.
Petty squabbles happen among even the best of friends. Respect, understanding, and a willingness to make peace go a very long time in keeping a friendship alive. Sure, it isn't foolproof but friends are valuable enough that they are worth the effort.
Unfortunately life can make friendships grow cold over time. Distance can tear people and friendships apart not because of harsh words but because of no words.
Cherish your friends while you have them. Fight to keep the friendship going. However, when things go cold understand that's life and people are rarely lucky enough to keep a friend for a lifetime
Honestly, I miss the hours I used to play D&D, Battletech and other games with my friends. I miss the movie nights and long conversations about upcoming tech and exploring what's new. But life moves on.
(Image created by Dall-e)... finding an image of myself with the guys would take a long time and articles are due by 2PM
Thanks for reading and as always... I love comments :)